Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

April 23, 2008
By
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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Starrlyt said...
Mar. 30, 2010 at 11:36 am
OK. 1st I would like to say that the poem ROCKS!!! 2nd I would like to say I agree with the folks that said we are meant to post comments.  However, the comments do not have to be rude.  Critiquing is an important part of being a good writer.  If you can't critique another's poem then how do you expect them to critique yours? And it's not like any of us are god or watev.  No one is perfect so all ya'll that are actin' all snobby need to stop.  Maybe there's a hidden... (more »)
 
steff123456789 replied...
May 27, 2010 at 10:27 am
and, also, if the person didn't want to hear bad things being said about their poem, they shouldn't have posted it on teen ink
 
Ramzan This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 29, 2010 at 9:56 am
Wonderful poem. The end hints at more, and is just a little bit haunting. Great job!
 
Caroline K. said...
Mar. 28, 2010 at 8:18 pm
The ending is uncomfortable but gives the entire poem meaning and a reason for being written. I love how it all leads up to that. Nice work.
 
BMaaszLaxer replied...
Apr. 3, 2010 at 5:52 pm
yea marley get it!!!!!!!!!!
 
Shivanie said...
Mar. 27, 2010 at 9:59 pm
THIS IZ REALLY NICE LUV IT
 
keyoka This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 27, 2010 at 7:55 pm

I saw a lot of meenie/random posts here...

I actually really liked the poem...alot. It's beautiful.

I thought it was written very well and the person that wrote it is very talented and should keep writing

 
crawfordkid This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Mar. 30, 2010 at 8:35 pm
Wow pgannon, really?
 
crawfordkid This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 13, 2010 at 2:05 pm
Ouch, let me pretend for a minute that I care..............glad that's over.
 
pgannon said...
Mar. 26, 2010 at 10:53 am
who wants an alltoid
 
marlone said...
Mar. 26, 2010 at 10:51 am
my weiner is 6 feet
 
Luc Avilles said...
Mar. 26, 2010 at 10:48 am
Hey Marlone! It's me Luc, lol at history class next period, and oh, this article sucks
 
Cracka--Slayaa replied...
Mar. 26, 2010 at 10:50 am
marlone ur gay
 
redneck4 ever said...
Mar. 26, 2010 at 10:48 am
marlone you dirty little______ im gonna punch you i your 6 foot wang
 
marlone is back said...
Mar. 26, 2010 at 10:46 am
thats word to mah red flag
 
imSooHooDandBLACK said...
Mar. 26, 2010 at 10:48 am
YeAH MarRLoNE i DIqq. WatCHu sAyINn iS LiKe WeEzY oN dHA trAcK! DaMn MarLEy BrAatT!! iHmA GhEttChU ;) ;)
 
xxificouldfallxx said...
Mar. 25, 2010 at 4:18 pm
oh my this is..eery. but good.
 
Mclovin..720 3391294 said...
Mar. 25, 2010 at 12:09 pm
I thought the peom was not good at all. It was very whiny and almost seemed like he was attacking his dad.
 
Just Alex said...
Mar. 25, 2010 at 12:08 pm
This poem was depressing and i felt pretty bad.
 
Teen Ink Moderator said...
Mar. 25, 2010 at 12:02 pm
Please keep your comments to yourself. Thank you.
 
steff123456789 replied...
Mar. 29, 2010 at 10:57 am
THATS WHY WE BE COMMENTING ON THIS. TO GET OUT COMMENTS OUT TO THE TEENINK WRITING WORLD. SO DON'T TELL ME TO KEEP THEM TO MYSELF. I'LL BE LETTING YOU KNOW WHAT MY COMMENTS ARE.
 
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