Daddy's Womb | Teen Ink

Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Anonymous

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.



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This article has 2180 comments.


on May. 8 2010 at 6:15 am
LegendTitan30 GOLD, Parker, Colorado
11 articles 2 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Anything is possible once you set your mind to it"

This is a really great piece of writing :)

on May. 7 2010 at 4:16 pm
ElijahN PLATINUM, Livonia, Michigan
31 articles 0 photos 150 comments

Favorite Quote:
"only after you've lost everything, that you're free to do anything."-Tyler Durdan -Fight Club-

i literally said wow when i read this again. amazement oozed from me.

on May. 7 2010 at 3:28 pm
ErinCole BRONZE, *******,
1 article 0 photos 13 comments
Amazing job!

on May. 5 2010 at 7:04 pm
This is awesome i wish i could write like this it really cheered me up b/c my mom was mad at me im glad u wrote this

on May. 5 2010 at 6:26 pm
JessicaPhdEng BRONZE, Smyrna, Tennessee
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
I see the beauty of the blind.

Most of the time I judge peoples poetry harshly. But this poem is great. It's perfect. You have some of the best talent I've seen. Way to go. Keep at it.

on May. 3 2010 at 8:00 am
Casie_Fred BRONZE, Hermon, Maine
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment
This is easy to relate to, wanting to move on and up in the world (fly), but being restrained by parents

on May. 2 2010 at 5:38 pm
funnythewayitis SILVER, Redmond, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 21 comments
I really like this. Its such a great representation of some many people's relationships with their parents.

on May. 1 2010 at 10:39 pm
OwenHarpersGirl BRONZE, Oshawa, Other
1 article 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
The curtains in my living room are drawn, but the rest of the furniture is real

Amazing. It really makes you think, especially when you're able to relate to it. Great job :)

CarolynQ GOLD said...
on May. 1 2010 at 1:15 pm
CarolynQ GOLD, Manalapan, New Jersey
10 articles 0 photos 220 comments
visionary. chilling, and strong.i would love it if you checked my work out :)

on May. 1 2010 at 10:18 am
hello.beautiful PLATINUM, New York, New York
35 articles 29 photos 67 comments

Favorite Quote:
Look at the nations and watch— and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told. -Habakkuk 1:5

I love these types of poems that make you think.

I can relate.

 


on Apr. 30 2010 at 8:23 am
BiancaMarie SILVER, Colchester, Vermont
5 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
better loved then lost then never to have loved at all

great poem! (: 

checkk out minee?


caasper13 said...
on Apr. 30 2010 at 7:44 am
love your peom

on Apr. 29 2010 at 10:00 am
wow dude i no wat ur going thru. keep trying to break that chain!

on Apr. 28 2010 at 12:44 pm
Sarx96_Alas BRONZE, Springdale, Arkansas
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hail to the king, baby."

Sorry about your father HopeDreamLove.  My dad is some times a jerk to me so I feel the same way.

DevonP SILVER said...
on Apr. 27 2010 at 10:24 am
DevonP SILVER, Wolcott, New York
7 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
" There's nothing wrong with me, this is how i'm suppose to be in a land of make believe that don't believe in me" - Greenday

My father is often not in my life, but my mother keeps me on a chain. :( I don't like it but i'm slowly breaking the chain.

on Apr. 26 2010 at 9:15 pm
LostButNeverFound PLATINUM, Phoenix, Arizona
37 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. Friends are like balloons: once you let them go, you can't get them back. So I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you.

i loved ur poem=]

on Apr. 26 2010 at 4:25 pm
MangoMoonlight BRONZE, Newton, Massachusetts
3 articles 1 photo 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Perfect is the enemy of good"

Yes, the poem is great, but I think the theme is what makes it so, not the slant rhyme and the stanzas.  And as for reminding you of Emily Dickinson, I'm thinking more of an E.E. Cummings "morbidly curious" feel.  But, I do see your point in posting a specific comment like that in a sea of "Carl, you're soo good" and "OMG you are fab".  Much more constructive.

on Apr. 26 2010 at 4:15 pm
MangoMoonlight BRONZE, Newton, Massachusetts
3 articles 1 photo 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Perfect is the enemy of good"

I love the basic idea of your poem and the rhyme is a perfect accent to your complex theme.  You made a tired, old "I wish my father would let me fly free" poem into a creative and fresh write.  Great work!

on Apr. 26 2010 at 11:58 am
Starrlyt PLATINUM, Willard, North Carolina
20 articles 0 photos 89 comments

Favorite Quote:
Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars -Les Brown

I believe the chain was a reference to how his father told him to 'grow up,' to say the least, but when he tried, his father held him back, figuratively, as though his father had attached a chain to his foot...make sense, or did i confuse you more? lol. I tend to do that...sorry.

leliza BRONZE said...
on Apr. 26 2010 at 11:21 am
leliza BRONZE, Wichita Falls, Texas
1 article 1 photo 17 comments
His father had has him on a chain.