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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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.meadow. said...
Sept. 29, 2011 at 8:52 am
I liked it but... the line "as i gazed at the birdie" seemed forced, like when i'm writing and i say, "oh, what rhymes with luck? duck." and the poem takes a weird new path.
 
MsBrightside replied...
Sept. 30, 2011 at 10:52 am
I totally agree. It had a strong, lead to it in the start. You have an image in you'r head of a child questioning the father, than it leads into something about a sky and a chain, (Which I do understand is connected in sorts of ways), I think if this person wants all of these lines included, it should become a story told in a poem, with more reasonings and new pictures, its like thoughing a bunch at me without explantion.
 
Aiden said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 5:51 pm
omg. im speechless. this is just beautiful. no words can do it justice.
 
bpjrobert said...
Sept. 25, 2011 at 12:34 pm

 

I like it. Favorite Quote- "Then I knew that I was bound"

 
hearmyvoice said...
Sept. 24, 2011 at 2:53 pm
i like the story but some of the rhyming seemed forced. the overall theme was great though so good job
 
maraquette.koss replied...
Oct. 1, 2011 at 12:23 pm
I agree, especially the line about the birdie, it sounds childish
 
BeachBum101 said...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 7:37 pm
All I can say is wow!
 
Old-Ham said...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 5:56 pm
so.beautiful.
 
Mrs.parez said...
Sept. 22, 2011 at 1:15 pm

this is a lovely poem

 

 
gonzalo said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm
I liked the poem because it tells us the importance of the fathers to protect us.
 
thegirlwiththemessyhair replied...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 5:55 am
i think it means that the dad is too overprotective and while he won't let the son fall, he won't let him fly either.
 
TevoRocks said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm
i really like the story is it true?
 
GodGirl_JesusFreak said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 5:43 pm
Well, it's not that the dad was mean, the point of the story is that the dad didn't wan;t his kid to leave him.
 
Hair & bertha said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 12:20 pm
Sow did the kid drown
 
crazycatlady said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 9:40 am
The dad sounds really mean. But the whole poem was really good.
 
smile123 said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 7:27 am
i loved it i understand what u meant when u said then i knew that i was bound.
 
purplemonkeys999 said...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 3:51 pm
i love it but how does that make you bound?
 
mariarosamarinelli said...
Sept. 12, 2011 at 5:45 pm
Ooh, chilling. I loved it.
 
tionashaylaR said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 4:02 pm
what was your idea behind this poem? what made you want to write it?
 
bb42495 said...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 10:19 pm

i loved the idea behind this poem and the overall rhythm...my only ssuggestion is to change the word birdie, although i know that would present some difficulty for you with reconstruction and rhythm. you did quite well with this piece. i love the idea of a father holding back his own son. you put it into words very well. you have talent.

if you have time check out my poems. i would love your feedback

 
SHUTTERBUG said...
Sept. 9, 2011 at 9:54 pm
I LUVVED IT IT WAS spectacular and the best part was that he thought he could prove his dad wrong but after a couple times still didnt quit witch i wouldnt have the courage to do any of that
 
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