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A Cutters Lullaby

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Fake smile, broken heart. Can’t you tell, I’m totally ripped apart? Hanging on by a single thread, but is it even enough in the end? Fragile mind, saddened eyes. Why does this life have to be mine? I know it’s rough, and I know its life. Even though I’m here, I’ve died inside. Suicide beckons to me, bringing me closer to letting myself free. Shaking every moment, will this ever come to an end? Or was this your plan, to pretend to be there, then? Did you like seeing me so broken, as I sat there, young and scared? Or was this a simple task you only thought was fair?
My questions haunt this fragile mind, and leave me simply wondering why. Let me sleep and forever close my eyes, as I dream of the lost butterflies. I’ve torn their wings with my blade, and forever in he**, they went to lie. The scarlet blood, it feels so right, this is my cutters lullaby. I’ve never known a pain so fierce, as that along without you near. Truly, you were never mine, but still I sit and silently cry. I’ll feel the pain again and again, with maybe one more cut; I’ll find this strength within. That’s all I hear- that “it’ll be okay”. But what if okay comes one day too late? My hollow soul and scarred wrists stare back and whisper “they left you like this…”
The world won’t miss me for too long, I’ve tried so hard just to belong. I’ve got these friends, and yes they see. Only if they’d see just me... I wear a smile to mask the pain, though every day it’s seems to have gained. Every scar holds a story of emotional pain and self-hate. But it’s wrong and I’m sorry – this is not what I wanted to create. I know I’m a monster; you don’t have to say it. Though sometimes it seems the silence is the pain. I won’t admit this, not again. Why can’t I for just once win? Deep inside my life they want to say, but in the end, the Devil’s made me his slave.
I’ve finally decided that I’m done with this s***- I’ve tossed out my blades, I’m ready to quit. But always know somewhere inside there’s this empty place where I can hide. I’ll hide it all so you don’t see. I’ve hurt you enough, but this is me. Take me as I am- though I know it’s not much. Or watch me drift away into life’s rush. Tonight I’m begging for you please, open me up and let me be free. Being so broken never felt so right- finally I’m in control of my life. Let it slip away, let it build back up. Or simply let it wallow until my time is done. I’m not going to fight it, as long as I may live. So tonight I’m letting go- just one more life to call His. I’m letting my tears, as gently as they fall shine in the moon light and carry down the hall.
How does it feel, to see me so broken, because every last word was left un-spoken? With a heart so ripped and a body so scarred, it’s a wonder to me that I’ve made it this far. Tonight I’ll throw in the towel, and let myself lay here crying on the ground. My life is He**, can’t you see? That’s what you get for wanting to know about me. Though I love the release, I know it won’t stay.
That’s why I want to let you take me away. I promise you, I won’t put up a fight, just take me away within the moons light. Saddening it seems- maybe to you. All I ask is that you know these words are true. So take my blades, and throw them away- too long have I let them stay and play.
I’m not going to say this will never be the end- why would I hurt something I’ve tried to help mend? I’ve finally decided I’m done with this s***- I’ve tossed out my blades, I’m ready to quit. Let me sleep and forever close my eyes, as I dream of the lost butterflies. I’ve torn their wings with my blade, and forever in he**, they went to lie. The scarlet blood, it feels so right, this is my cutters lullaby.



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