suicide survivor

September 14, 2011
why did you leave me
you didn't even wait
you didn't even care
you didn't even know if i loved you

i look so much like you
sometimes i forget its me in the mirror
when people say i am pretty
i think of you

i don't have any memories
i have nothing

it makes me want to take my own life
just to see what its like
longing to be with you
i get a rope
tie my noose
and hang loose

my heart stops
and my face turns blue
now maybe ill be able to see you

i forgive you for what you did
if you feel any guilt
forgive yourself too
i could never hold a grudge against you

in 17 years i have gained understanding
i know what you went through
I've been walking in your shoes

i cant do it any longer
don't take it personally
but i need to start my own path
I've followed yours for too long

in complete darkness
I'm on a journey to the light
the end of this depression is in sight
no longer will i fight
this war has been raging for 17 years
I am laying my weapon down
i come in peace

I'm battered and bruised
my legs want to give out
but i continue to march on
i will win this internal fight

i am tired of living in fear
afraid to live
afraid to die
killing myself one day at a time

no longer will i do this
i am going to live this life to fullest

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