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i think this is a good time to lose it

its one o'clock in the afternoon, and i don't know what to do.
things are kind of OK, even if i still miss you.
there's a country song spinnin' around in my head
but that's normal for me.
the sun is shining, its too hot,
and somewhere
my soul mate is kissing some beautiful girl,
and here i sit, at a desk, in a room
filled with reminders of the things i will always miss,
and memories of the people who gave a damn.
and the light isn't bright enough to scare the rising darkness away,
but.
I'm still OK.
and for me, that is almost just enough to counter hell
because even flames create light,
and water refracts color even though it's colorless
and dreams don't always last but they still leave you with ideas and smiles,
and those things i miss?
are the people in the memories who gave a damn.
the ones who asked the hard questions,
and argued with me
and picked me up after i beat myself down
and loved me
no matter what i said, or did, or believed.
the ones who i look at every day in those scant pictures i have
the ones who make me smile when i remember things about them, about US.
and us; is a word i used to hate..
and then i learned what it is to miss something,
someone,
so much,
that just the sight of their smile in my mind
can reduce me to tears.
and i learned that sometimes crying is just what happens
when you don't feel anything at all for a long time,
and then it all catches up to you at once.
and i learned that sometimes, even when you think you have it right
it's all about to blow up in your face
and then, i learned the really important part..
after you cry, because you miss them so much you actually FEEL it
for the first time in as long as you can truly remember clearly
and after you accept the fact that it's OK to cry
and after everything blows up
and leaves all the pretty little pieces of shrapnel in your face...
you go to bed.
and you sleep.
and you wake up.
and then.. you look out a window.
because guess what?
the sun rose anyway.




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