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It Isn't About Me

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Am I wrong?
I want love.
And I'm scared.
To live alone,
To be alone,
To walk alone,
To trust anyone enough..
To let them inside my mind,
To let them know me.
I wanted him to know me.
He's the only one I ever wanted to let in.
He's gone.
So how is this going to make sense to you ..
I can't really make you understand..
You're not him..
I can't love you.
I can't give in to you.
I can't look at you and see any kind of future.
And those who live in the past (Me)
They say are scared of that. (Future)
And my fears..
Are what got me here.
All the hiding, brought me here.
All the love..
That I lost,
Built me up.
All the times..
I let the words fall.
Let myself down, again.

One.Two.Three.Four.Five
Wait.Wait.Wait.
"Be Patient"
I've become this Silentler.Quieter.Stronger. More Peaceful.
More Patient. More Composed. More Together. More Amazing
Than I ever thought I'd be.
And everytime I find myself
They say it isn't about me
It isn't..
"Live for God""Make good choices""Don't love this world"
How?..
How?.

I Don't.
I Hate it.
Cause the more you try to figure it out...
Has it ever made sense?

I'm sick of talking about love.
Sick of thinking about life.
Sick of living for myself.
Sick of being so scared.
Of speaking.
Of showing..
The World.That
Here I Am.
As if it ever mattered
As if it ever would
but Here I Am.
I'm listening
Like I always have
I'm fearless standing next to you
Then you go and flip the script
Cause I'm no longer next to you

I'm so cool.
Cause I know how to walk and stand alone without these people
And I'm open to the fact that I'll never be like you.
And you'll never be like me.
And we'll never understand..
How see through and transparent each other are.
But again.
Moving on.
But again.
Going through.
We change
And they ask us why
They say it's different
Growing up and finding that there are certain things you don't want to be apart of is a bad thing?
Changing is a bad thing?

I'm smart.
Cause I know damn better
Than to smoke.Than to drink.Than to f*ck.Than to say I love.
Than to say I hate.Than to question God.
And yet, there are days that give me reasons to do all of these things.
And I've lied.
But I'm a "Good Girl." Headstrong.I know alot more than you think
Naive? No.
Gullible? No.
Vulnerable? Always..
I'm not guarded
I just live inside myself.
And with love they want you to come out,
Not realizing.

You want me to make up feelings that I never had just so I can stand next to you?
Just so I can be your smile?
I can't
You say I've changed.
That now I'm mean
I'm not
I just wanna make one thing clear
I'm never coming back.
But again
This isn't about me.
It's about you.
It's about the world.
Never the indiviual..



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