MY silent undoing

August 2, 2011
By , A Field of Paper Flowers, CA
8:00 am I go in the bath room and brush my hair
The locks shed off golden rain
I look in the mirror as I change
“look at that fat between my ribs”
“I guess I’ll skip breakfast again today”

12:00 pm and it’s time to eat, I push it away
I make up a reason
Say I’m not hungry, I already ate
You give me that look but say its okay

3:00 pm it’s time to go “play”
Pull out the jump rope and the rest of my array
A mass of equipment to me strain
I won’t let myself stop until I’m in pain

6:00 pm Time for me to eat
Pull out the lettuce and tomatoes
But no dressing or croutons or I’ll make myself sick
A glass of no-cal soda and my dinner is done

11:00 pm More exercise for me
An hour of work before I’m too weak
Then it’s time for me to go to sleep

I curl up in a ball to make the rumbling stop
I can’t fall asleep, I haven’t for the last week
I’m weak and I’m tired and I’m empty inside
But all of that means that I’m on the right track
Soon I’ll be beautiful, soon I’ll be liked
Maybe someday soon I’ll perfect like I dreamed

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