If only she had known

August 1, 2011
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If only she had known

If only my little sister knew how tragic it would be without those floaties

If only she had known

We would walk and talk together

If only she had known

The big pool isn’t that cool without those floaties

If only she had known

I would be able to swim and play in the water without haunting memories

If only she had known

The big hole in my back yard is now a big hole of misery

If only she had known

I would be able to brush her hair and paint her nails

If only she had known

I wouldn’t have to stare at a cement stone with her name engraved in it

If only she had known

Her floaties wouldn't look so dumb

If only she had known

I would still have my little sister by my side





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This article has 14 comments. Post your own now!

AmbiguousIngenuity said...
Jun. 18, 2012 at 12:04 am
I can appreciate repetition in the way that i feel is accents and strengthens the phrase being repeated, but i dont like the way the narrator focuses on the floaties when it was not the floaties that caused her sister to not survive. It was her own sister's attitude. I feel the focus was not completely solid. Also, assuming this is a fictitious event as you have not commented otherwise (which is absolutely fine, you are entitled to artistic interpretation and creative liscence), i believe the e... (more »)
 
marissa87 replied...
Aug. 22, 2012 at 5:26 pm
I took the idea of this happening to my little sister(eventhough that sounds really bad) and i took the feelings i had when one of my friends died and i put it together. When i am very upset, im numb.
 
Love.Hate.Passion. said...
Oct. 7, 2011 at 10:03 pm
It's got great emotion put into it , but the repetition is way overdone.
 
marissa87 replied...
Oct. 14, 2011 at 9:04 pm
the point of the repetition is the effect that i keep questionging myself what coulb have been different if she had known what it would be like. i am trying to tell more of a story, like what is going through someones mind. Repetition...
 
.Izzy. said...
Sept. 4, 2011 at 3:17 pm
This is so sad :( I love the repetition, but be sure not to overdo it. This is so heartfelt, and I can really feel for the narrator. Good job!
 
marissa87 replied...
Sept. 6, 2011 at 5:20 pm
thanks i will take you critiziams into consederation. thank you!
 
FreedomIsMyVirtue said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 10:12 pm
I'm sorry for whomever this event happened. This is a good poem with emotion. I kinda like the repetition of the first line :)
 
marissa87 replied...
Aug. 13, 2011 at 1:48 pm
thanks so much!
 
marissa87 said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 10:01 pm
thaniks guys for posting comments! i appreciate it but i think it is neccessary to say that this didnt happen to me almost but it didnt happen just came to my mind of something to write about. Usually that is what my poems are about, things that a really bad but dont actually happen to me.
 
Indiewriter This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 9:11 pm
I agree. Everyone has something bad happen to them but the real show of character is how they deal with it. Some take it on their self and think they're a bad person and it's all their fault. I'm glad you wrote about it instead...(=
 
ohmakemeover This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 7:09 pm
Oh my God, I'm so sorry that this tragic event has happened to you.  I'm glad you can take creativity from tragedy.  This is a really heartfelt poem.
 
Anon357293 replied...
Jun. 17, 2012 at 11:48 pm
I know this girl in real life, this tragic event never took place. Her younger sister is still alive.
 
toriroxsoutloud said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 5:03 pm
I really like this (: can you check out mine?
 
marissa87 said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 3:00 pm
Please comment!! I want to know what everyone thinks thanks!
 
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