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In Silence

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Sometimes i cry myself to sleep because i know you are nowhere near. Sometimes what makes me cry is the time passing by that i can't spend with you.Somedays memories of you keep flooding my head and i can't stop them and can't help but to burst into tears. Some people think they understand what we have and think they've been where i am now and know how i feel but what we have, had, are having is so special and different.Sometimes when our song or any song that reminds of you comes on i can't help but feel miserable. Somedays i hear your name i see a namesake of yours and i can't help remember how much i love you and how beautiful our loving is.

I miss our old life, my old life and your old life.It is not a lie that this is true.I miss you and i and everything that made us. If tears could bring us back together and make everything the way it used to be, right again, i would cry more.If missing you is what it takes to make up for the time together and memories we could be having i would miss you all the more. Although i am not quite sure how that would be possible, i would never give up trying.I have never and will never give up on you and my faith in you is renewed with every breath and every kiss of the dawn on the earth. I might have been distracted so times, enjoying one moment for a while and hoping it would last forever so i wouldn't have to go back to the misery that is life missing you , without you. I want to run into you as a pleasant surprise, this is a constant Deja Vu, you are everywhere i go and i cannot escape you because you are everywhere with me, i enjoy the pieces of you that live inside of me. A pleasant parasite. I know it will soon be over but we ares till here stuck in now.

Love is a funny thing because it really is not an emotion. It is not an attraction or a movement to like or hate. Love changes definition for each person because love is at the person or thing you love. Love is different for everyone in volume, intensity and truth because hearts beat differently and no one can help who they love or why they love them. Love for me, in truth and definition, is you. Love, your love, has a hold on me that i cannot and i do not want to control..Lovers everywhere who love who had loved and have had their loved ones ripped from them by the forces of life, only they, know and feel the kind and type of pain we now feel. Loving me temporally is the memory of you while i wait for the real lover to come.

Everyone and everything that lives, will live and has lived is somehow a product of love, real love, not physical temporary love but genuine unconditional love. Everyday i stand and want to be called a product of your love and vice versa. Every day that i love and i think of you and as long as you live,even if you died, my heart will reman yours and yours mine. Everything that i have is yours and everything i am i leave to you to change or keep. Everything , every event and every one that has had anything to do with bringing us together, that wonderful fate that is us, our love, is blessed because they have let a beautiful thing happen. Everyone of them have let true love occur, let true joy occur and that is the beauty of the order of life. Everyone that might have had to go through pain for this to occur , i apologize and thank you and i hope that i n your joy we will come back together and be forever one.

No one can ever understand us and they should not worry their little heads about it. No day or time, even when we've fought has it been a question to the testimony of our love. No words can comprehend my loneliness and isolation now that you are not next to me and it hurts and angers me that there is not because i need now more than ever words to enable me to comprehend how i feel so that everything else can make sense to me,but sadly there aren't any. Now that you have left chapters of us unwritten in the book that is my life i will need a promise from you. Not a promise of your return (because i know that surely b God's willing that is bound to happen sooner or... soon) but a promise of hope , a promise that will tell and remind me that i live in the deepest wells inside you the same way that you live in me. No way will i give up on your return and i need to know that you are not giving up on mine, i know you are not, but weirdly enough i still need a promise, a promise that is you.

Can you hear me when you sleep? Can you hear me when you are in dead silence and there is only the wind whistling the song of your future and bring back the lyrics of the melody of your past. Call me crazy but in deep dead silence, when i am thinking about the hot mess that has become my life i remember the sounds of us . Celebrations that used to take place inside these now silent and calm walls sprinkle all over my mind when i am in a noiseless state of mind . Certain people people are able to feel calm in the quiet and serene in the darkness but not me and i think you know that. Calm, like love, changes by definition for everyone and for me, for us it was loud,vibrant energy with a hint of obnoxious behavior and an attitude too large for life. Changing, as time foes, this might have worn you out but it drew me in even more and remains the biggest reason i miss you and us.

Ending where it begins, is the true story of life and that is why when someone dies someone else is born, the unending bittersweet circle of life. Even when you left i didn't realize how long the course was and how long it will take for you to return to me (because you will return to me) and that the beginning of the end is still quite far off. Egging me on this wait/journey is knowing that no matter how long we will have a good ending and end well in this beautiful forgiving circle of life. Endurance becomes easier when you know that one day that awkward silence that you live in this moment will soon become laughter when this period ends. Easy is not the first word that comes to mind when describing this wait, painful, ugly, comforting and beautiful all at the same time but it does get easier with time, love and joy. Exact time and date of your return might still be hazy now and i might still remain in silence , in silent misery, for now but you and your joy will return to me.Every word, everyone, every thing, every moment is leading to the moment when the awkward silence will break and Isaac will be reunited with the love of his life, his family, ever dearest to his heart.





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