I want to be perfect. I want to be what makes you so indescribably happy. I want to reach the highest mountain just to look down. I want to be at the top so you’ll catch me if I fall. I want to believe you’ll be there when I do so. I want to love with the strongest love. I want to hurt with the craziest pain. I want to live this life to every full I can get. I want to fill up walls with words. I want to make you realize who you are, who we are, and what we can do. I have so many goals that I am dying to achieve. I want to break with the biggest brick. I want to fight with the dullest sword and win. I want to crawl into the arms of someone to love me. I want to impact you, your friend, and your worst enemy. I want to be what you crave, what you envy, what you hate, and what you loathe. I want to love you with a passion, and hate you with a dread. I want to sleep forever, and stay awake for eternity. I want to die just to feel alive, because living makes me feel dead. I want to give everything to someone. I want to believe there is more to life. But I am. I am Janessa. I am broken. I am healing. I am messing up. I am a mistake. I am dying. I am living. I am a reversed curse. I am what you hate. I am what you loathe. I am not worth the love of the world. I am never going to reach my goals. I am lazy. I am a writer. I am not worth the pain. I am addicted to pouring myself out. I am filling back up. I am imperfect. I am just a girl, dying to be with you.
I want to be.
July 1, 2011