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Emily

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I love the way the world revolves around you, though you’re always moving.
I love it how you think you’re winning, even when you’re losing.
I love it how your smile can make even the sun brighten a bit.
I love it how you face the world, and how beautifully you see it.
I love it how even in darkness, you help me find my way.
I love it how you are a dot of color, in a sea of gray.
I love you, my sister, my only best friend; I’ll be there for you until the very end.



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Allicat001 said...
Jun. 18, 2012 at 3:36 pm:
The flow of this particular poem doesn't matter, it's the message that you get across that counts.  This poem was really sweet and reminded me of my sister, I really liked this poem:)
 
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beautifulspirit This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 24, 2012 at 10:16 am:
Very sweet---to have a sister is one of the greatest things in the world. This poem melted my heart:)
 
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Behind_Sapphire_Eyes said...
Apr. 21, 2012 at 9:15 pm:
Despite the lack of flow and rhythmic patterns I really like your poem! Not all poems have to be rhythmical or perfectly flow-y as long as if touches the readers soul like it did for me; it is an awesome poem! Great work, Tink1350!   
 
Tink1350 replied...
Apr. 24, 2012 at 8:25 pm :
Thanks for the comment and feedback!
 
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NinjaGirl This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 10:10 pm:
The flow could be better, and the beginings of the lines are pretty repetitive, but I like it anyway :P
 
Tink1350 replied...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 4:14 pm :
what do you mean about the fist line? and also For all you flow-commenters, is supposed to be choppy and stuff. ive gotten alotta comments bout that.
 
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Megan.J.B said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 9:42 pm:
Well done! I liked it alot, I agree with flow problems and rhyming patterns, but it was good none the less :)
 
Tink1350 replied...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 1:11 pm :
thank you.
 
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Alon_Freevoice said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 6:42 am:
You can still improve this poem.. like make it flow...


Anyway, I like it all the more. The descriptions... the metaphors... I just like them. You are a wonderful brother/sister... =)
 
Tink1350 replied...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 1:11 pm :
what do u mean by make it flow?
 
Alon_Freevoice replied...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 4:26 am :
Each line doesnt have to be like, sentences...

Like, in the first line,
I love the way
The world revolves around you
though you're always moving...

I mean, you can make it a little choppier... :)

-Hope I helped... :)
 
Tink1350 replied...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 6:02 pm :
thankyou. you did help. and sorry im askin so many questions but what do u mean by  making it choppier?
 
Alon_Freevoice replied...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 4:18 am :
You can look back at my last comment... I said, "Each line doesn't have to be sentences."

Lines can be long and short but about the flow, try reading real poems. Maybe then, you'll understand. :)
 
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musicispassion said...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 8:48 pm:
this is amazing i love it my neighbor has autism five stars
 
Tink1350 replied...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 1:10 pm :
thanks for reading.
 
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awayra said...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 9:35 am:
it reminds of rudyard kipling, yet you have your own original style and this poem's meaning is absolutely gorgeous! i suppose this is the ultimate proof of how much you love her, and what a beautiful proof is!
 
Tink1350 replied...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 6:41 pm :
thankyou!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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writer_girl15 said...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 9:06 pm:
that is so sweet! <3
 
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Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 7:23 pm:
Beautiful. I love the repitition you used, and it's so great to write a poem about your sister. I can really feel how much you love her. This is really good. :)
 
Tink1350 replied...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 7:36 pm :
Thanks. :) And i do love her alot. :))))))
 
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