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Infuriating

Do you know how infuriating it is
To love you?
To wait up all day
Hoping you’ll get online?
Do you get that it burns
Every time I look at you
And realize
That you’re not looking at me?
When I see someone else
Make you laugh
And feel my blood boil in anger
Because I should be the one
Making you smile?
When I hear you speak
And feel jealous
When your words aren’t directed at me.
I walk specific paths in school
In the hope
That I’ll see you.
(not that I’ve memorized your schedule.)
And when you do finally talk to me
I’m tongue-tied
And silly
Foolish
Wishing I knew what to say.
Do you know how infuriating it is
To love you?
But the worst part
Is that I don’t know
If you love me, too.
And until I know for sure
That you don’t,
I’ll keep waiting
And hoping
And being jealous
Of your smiles, laughs, and words.
I’ll keep dreaming
That maybe someday
You’ll think it’s infuriating
To love me, too.





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