First time

April 27, 2011
Custom User Avatar
More by this author
She grips his hand
as he lead her
to the dance floor
his hand reaches
her hips, his lips
slowly caress her cheek
and moves to her lips
as they rock back and fourth
she feels as if the
whole world stop working
just for them, there first dance





Join the Discussion

This article has 7 comments. Post your own now!

gleek1234 said...
Feb. 10, 2012 at 9:58 pm
you know what? i think this poem because maybe its personal too me! and ill try to edit it more but i like itthx
 
birdcage2 said...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 8:01 pm
This is awsome ( I'm commenting on my own thing yeah cause I'm cool like that yo!! :/
 
billgamesh11 replied...
Sept. 24, 2011 at 2:59 pm

Ok?

And it was an okay poem

With lots of editing mistakes

It should be "leads her"

and "back and forth"

And usually people don't kiss on their first dance, and if they do, it probably isn't the first thing they do, so you probably shoul've included more dancing, less kissing. I'm NOT being mean, (at least I'm not trying to be:) just critical. I truly believe that this poem can go places if you put some more dancing and feelings in it. That's just my opinion!... (more »)

 
gleek1234 replied...
Feb. 2, 2012 at 10:44 am
ummm ok i decided to make them kiss ok so.... maybe they were going out and then had a dance so umm yeah anyway i thought it was an awsome poem thank you very muchand yeah ill try to edit more also u r being kind of mean
 
billgamesh11 replied...
Feb. 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm
How am I being mean? You posted it here knowing that people will comment on it, and some will give you advice on how to make it better. You should take it into consideration at least, and then decide if that would make it better or not. No one was trying to be mean, just helpful. And you aren't always going to get comments like "omg I love this!!!", no matter how good your piece was, people on Teenink will try to get yu to the point where you do get those comments a lot, people like ME. I want ... (more »)
 
billgamesh11 replied...
Feb. 3, 2012 at 2:17 pm
Ok, I'm sorry, that last one was a little uncalled for:( I'm PMSing:P But still, us on Teenink do want you to become a better writer, that's all that first comment was trying to tell you
 
gleek1234 replied...
Feb. 17, 2012 at 11:51 am
alright well i think i am a good writer but i could always be better so thank you
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback