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Crickets This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

Crickets drowning in the pool
So helplessly
The hell they see
A tidal wave
As I jump in
A life will end
Fun will begin

Sink to the bottom
The dusty depth
Where damned souls of bugs are kept
A gentle push; I break for air
Summer breezes caress my hair
Send crickets flying deeper yet
Trapped in water like fish in a net

As I enjoyed my swim I found
A lonely cricket about to drown
On his back he screams and begs
And kicks his little hairy legs
For once I decided not to ignore
Like the ones still rotting on the floor
The water around him suddenly drains
As he’s lifted up by giant hands
Happy he could breathe again
He bounced away to find his friends

The cricket that I had the urge to save
Came crawling back to challenge a wave
It pushed him back from the deadly lake
But the cricket trudged on
It was no mistake
Straight toward the side
And in with a plop
The cricket thrashed around on his back
And slowly died

At night they sing the cricket song
Mourning for the crickets gone
Lost in battle
Lost at sea
Lost in their stupidity

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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Writomania This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 1:28 am

wow.. AMAZING.. you write so well.. i could almost hear a song blasting in my ears..

keep writing.

 
AvengedJasonfoldForever replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 6:30 pm
thanks I do keep writing problem is my other stuff contains profanity and inapporpriate topics for the gentle minds of teeninkers
 
Writomania This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 1:55 am

hm.. that is, as a matter of fact, a problem. But then again, you are not on TeenInk to serve the purpose of some 'gentle-minded' teeninkers are you?

You're here to express yourself.. there should be no stopping that :|

 
AvengedJasonfoldForever replied...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 10:38 am
...I am more able to express myself on facebook than here. I am here to help people get away from the confines of writing that they learn in school and on this website. I am here to see if I can help people find their true voice.
 
Writomania This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 12:52 am
no arguing that...
 
AvengedJasonfoldForever replied...
Jul. 2, 2011 at 12:16 am
yeah i listen to too much metal to ever allow myself to be censored :P
 
Writomania This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 2, 2011 at 12:49 am

Hm. Metal affects you; thats great. A nice way to let out your burning rage onto the calm, serene, and not to mention, gentle minds of your fellow TeenInkers.

Great Going.

P.s : Avenged Sevenfold is a good band. Dear God is my personal fav.

 
AvengedJasonfoldForever replied...
Jul. 2, 2011 at 1:14 am

Good band? More like greatest band ever.

I won't try explaining. You're not a metalhead :P

 
gogreen1 said...
Jun. 11, 2011 at 4:31 pm

Funny funny!! This made me laugh out loud, which is quite rare in writing. 

I admire that you were able to make it rhyme and still feel natural. Whenever I try to write rhyming poetry I find myself adding a lot of "just"'s and 'really's to add syllables and get it to work. This felt really natural and not all stiff. 

:)

 
AvengedJasonfoldForever replied...
Jun. 11, 2011 at 10:54 pm

why thank you I'm glad you find drowning insects funny and now that I know where your sense of humor lies I should introduce you to something that's REALLY funny :P

 

 
Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 12, 2011 at 1:01 am

Hey Jason!

You came back- I knew you would! I couldn't see how you could possibly stay away when a) there are people who need help to improve their writing(me included!) and b) you could prove them wrong! I've missed you(and yes, your critiques!) I haven't had much time for creativity, I've mainlybeen writing essays and speeches! BORING! 

 
Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 12, 2011 at 1:03 am
I really like this... Poetry doesn't come easily to me.
 
AvengedJasonfoldForever replied...
Jun. 12, 2011 at 7:45 pm

oh stop flattering me healing angel :P

Throw some interesting stories my way--I prefer if people email them to me so that i can discuss things faster and in my own language with unlimitated space, but if you're all paranoid about internet safety or whatever I understand lol

 
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