April 2, 2011
By Taylor Gelinas-Galaise BRONZE, Alexandria, Virginia
Taylor Gelinas-Galaise BRONZE, Alexandria, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

I have become a monster, a murderous, ugly monster.
Nobody sees that all I want is to be accepted, even if I have become a monster-the
monster that killed everyone’s precious little girl.
I just want to hear that they love me; I just want to feel the warmth from the hugs I used
to receive.
I just want to be accepted by everyone.

The little girl in the mirror stares back at me with that stupid grin on her face.
Then right before my eyes, she changes.
Her once shining blue eyes fade into a dull gray, her smile wiped from her face and
replaced with a smirk.
The strong, kind, and confident little girl has become an abomination.
Everywhere she goes she bleeds poison from her veins, everyone cowers in fear after just
one look from her.
Her fake smile ignites the suppressed flame of hatred and hurt inside me.

I feel so much guilt when I look down at my hands.
I can still remember the feel of the blood and the look in her eyes when her last breath
left her body.
I remember her screams; she did not want to die.
I killed her anyway.
I killed that little girl and stole her smile for my own.

I need no punishment for her murder; my body has already become my jail.
The voices in my mind tell me the truth about myself.
My emotions are bottled up tightly and hidden behind the strong, sturdy walls that
surround my heart.
My life is not fake rainbows and butterflies anymore.
My fairytale dreams have become horrifying graphic nightmares.
Nobody seems to see that my soul is slowly drowning in my own poisonous body.

Every time I think that I have found a cure for the poison, the little girl shows up again in
my reflection.
Nobody wants the true me, everyone wants that sickly sweet, innocent little girl.
They want the little girl I used to be, but she is gone and she is never coming back.

My mind has become like one of my many graphic nightmares.
The one where the little girl is running around a labyrinth desperately trying to find her
way out, but every door she opens brings her back to the beginning.
I feel hatred as I stare at that little girl running around my labyrinth.
I killed her, so why does she still haunt me?
Why can I not repress all of the dark memories?
The ones that forced the fake smile on my face, and all the lies that tell people I am okay.

Their words stick in my head constantly stabbing their knives into my heart.
“Worthless”. “Crying is for the weak.” “Ugly”. “You’re such a disappointment.”

I hate them, I hate her, and I hate myself.
I am lost inside my own labyrinth.
Stuck with nowhere to go but back, to the beginning, to the place that killed me.
I am lost and all alone.

Why is that little girl not dead?
I killed her, so why does she keep poisoning my heart?
I have to break out of the prison I have created for myself.
I have to destroy her once and for all, so I can finally let these walls down and keep out
the hurt that comes with bringing them down.
Once she is dead, there will be no more pain and confusion.

Someday soon, I will break out of this jail and destroy their precious little girl for the last
time and become accepted by everyone.

The author's comments:
This piece is about a time when I felt like an outsider. Which use to happen quite a lot. I felt like an other inside myself. There were constant battles going on inside my head.

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