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A Dreamer's Eulogy

if i felt the page could take the ink of the pen,
or the scrawl of the graphite,
i'd write more,
if i felt my soul could bear the abuse gracefully,
i'd love more,
unconditionally,
if i felt like other people cared about me..
maybe i could deal with all their emotions imposed on me...
but as it is,
i've forgotten,
how to smile and see the good in situations...
i've forgotten
what it is to care about complete strangers,
and to be able to love yourself for who you are.
i have forgotten how to dream,
because the future is too close to live up to all the expectations of others,
i continually fall short,
and the scars i have are not nearly healed.
i know not what is beautiful or special or unique about me.
all i see is another shattered product of an abusive world...
and at night my security is wrapped in my insomina,
and the stars,
which are still too far to reach....

~goodnight my love,
maybe i'll see you in the day break of a new morning,
over the hills and behind the gates
where a true dreamer's dreams lie waiting...



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