Why me?

March 31, 2011
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I feel like everything I worked for has just been bluntly ridiculed and pushed out the window, like it was just for a perfunctory purpose! An amazing but intriguing pain stabs me. If only the pain was physical, I would have fought through it; gulped a few dozen painkillers but no; the pain I have is a mysterious one indeed. It hurts me and hunts me every passing second from somewhere deep within, nothing exterior; not at all.

Why me? Why should I be the target every time? Why was I the one made a failure in my own eyes? My eyes once filled with optimism and hope have become hopelessly blank searching and groping my way through the iridescent darkness. All of my dreams have been pulverized, crushed to tiny pieces; tiny enough that I cant gather enough courage and determination to assemble those pieces together and wish for the bright future. I am undoubtedly, most evidently perturbed but what can I do? I can do nothing but fake a smile through my lips and wait, perhaps for a new beginning or to the end of my despair.
As time moves on, maybe, just maybe I can label this whole situation as something less significant and innocuous. I hope I can find something more obsolete a success than the failure that I have received now.
My heart and soul begs me to not let time and fate stop me from what I want to be. It obliges me to no more wish to be a craven and pray for the result of my hard work. It encourages me to work for the present, for the very passing minute. Despite this desires of my soul, I find that I have reached a situation of impasse and oblivion. I want to move ahead leaving my failures behind but I don't seem to be able to do so. Is like I have been placed behind bars, clutched and tied together by hawsers and chains that have been mercilessly created out of my own optimism.
So, I cry, desperately begging and pleading for the pain inside me to be physical. God! let this pain be physical! Grant me mercy, relieve me from this unknown suffering!

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royalujjwa4This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 25, 2013 at 7:48 am
so relatable!
vampier said...
Apr. 19, 2011 at 8:34 am
Im so sorry that this happend to you but i have been gone thrue the same stuff that you went throw i will cry 4 you jk no jk........!!!!
S1a1j replied...
Apr. 19, 2011 at 8:56 pm
Thank u. I like your name.
sammy said...
Apr. 18, 2011 at 11:05 pm
this article explains how everyone feels when they meet with failure or they loose hope. it seems very realistic. best of luch S1a1j
sadness said...
Apr. 18, 2011 at 10:59 pm
I like this article. It seems very true. Every line exemplifies a feeling of losing hope when you fail in sth that you really wanna succeed in.
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