It makes sense now,
all the pain Ive had over the years.
The thin, white envelope that arrived in my mail box that ominous afternoon.
I had been waiting,
for an answer to my pain.
Opening the letter was like opening my future.
It lists percentages and comments,
scribbled in the margins of the photocopied paper.
On the bottom of the page,
it states that I tested positive.
Positive for cancer.
The letter slips to the floor,
and my hands tremble.
My mind travels off,
I shut down.
The pain makes sense now,
and has a purpose.
I guess that's what were all looking for.
Our purpose.
If I had known that my purpose was this,
I wouldn't of wanted a purpose.
Living a full life with no final purpose,
is better than living an empty one,
with promises on the other side.
My mind goes to my list.
My list of things I want to do with my life.
The first couple are stupid,childish, and immature dreams.
Skydiving.
Bungee Jumping.
Make a million dollars.
But underneath them there are dreams that are more than a useless thrill.
Fall in love.
Get Married.
Have Babies.
And one word separates me from my childish dreams,
my desires,
and my life...
Positive.
I'm 99% positive.