Bleeding Mascara

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Dark rimmed eyes
Long black lashes
Every time she sighs
Her whole world crashes

Trying to be perfect
Leaving only smudges
Feelings of neglect
Sorrow never budges

Eyes of glass
Fogged up with rain
Hoping this will soon pass
No one knows her pain

She’s bleeding mascara
Don’t you know
Still stuck in this era
She never could let you go

Blackened tears pour down her face
She’s bleeding mascara
How did she end up in this place





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GangstaEyes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 25, 2011 at 6:24 pm
Wow. I can relate to this SO much..... I have a poem kinda like this called "Warpaint" if you wanna check it out :) Thanks and keep writing!!
 
hanging_girl_666 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 7:36 pm
I relate. Oh my goodness, this is my favorite poem of yours. Bravo! Astounding.
 
...Life said...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:27 pm
Fantastic!
 
taytay171 said...
Jun. 2, 2011 at 1:02 pm
Love it! Great job.
 
Kelse This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 4, 2011 at 7:52 pm
overall I think that your poem is really great!I only have 2 issues. The first is with your ending.  It seems a bit abrupt. Maybe you could add 2 lines to make it 4 like the rest of your stanzas.  The last stanza is the only other issue I see. "She's bleeding mascara-Don't you know" doesn't flow as well with the rest of your poem.  it just doesnt fit exactly right.  Great job though!!
 
DancingInTheRain said...
May 4, 2011 at 5:17 pm
I have to agree with everyone else, the poem is beautiful and all of it rhymes exept the last two lines, so it ends really abruptly and leaves the reader slightly confused. Overall it was good.
 
TanGem This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 2, 2011 at 1:16 pm
This is great. 5/5 and a few suggestions: To improve the rhyming pattern, I think you could delete the word "soon" in the 3rd stanza (there are too many beats in the line and it gets confusing to the reader) and add the word "Her" before "Sorrow" in the 2nd stanza to give it an extra beat (otherwise it feels like it stops dead and interrupts the flow of the poem). The best part is about her being "stuck in this era" because it's very relatable.
 
biuso9292 said...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 10:13 am
I really like it. you're a great writer just the ending i would say is a little awkward. other than that great job. i love it
 
NailsForBreakfast This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 27, 2011 at 10:08 am
this is really cool! Five stars definitely. You have great rhyme, great rhthym, I feel like the last stanza is a bit off but it still really packs a punch.
 
Medina D. said...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 10:06 pm

i could leave a snippet of a comment and say its beautiful; but that would be an understatement.

i think that in a poetic way, you really captured the essence of some of the pain girls feel inside and you took the reader along for a ride.  Now we're just caught in the wave of emotion you've left out for us

BRAVO!!

 
Jule92xc said...
Feb. 22, 2011 at 10:49 pm
This is awesome! I think you really get the idea of the girl's pain across in a way that makes it real to the reader.
 
DTAsoccerchick said...
Feb. 22, 2011 at 7:24 am

This is amazing!!!

like this is seriously good!:)

 
SunnyWinter replied...
Feb. 22, 2011 at 9:25 am
That is really good and it makes you think
 
Dark_Mind replied...
Mar. 26, 2011 at 10:54 pm
This was so fantastic.!
 
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