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Lost?

By , Trevor, WI
For so long I was thought to be this smart, strong, independent person.
Someone who is loyal, kind, a good worker, a great friend,
someone with her own ideas.
But as time goes on, I'm realizing I'm not who I was,
or who I tried to be.
I've lost myself
but I'm not sure how.
I'm trying to get back,
but I'm not sure where I was.
I've changed.
I'm weak.
I'm emotional.
I'm afraid.
I'm passive.
I'm closed up.
I'm less trusting.
I'm a complainer.
I cry,
I hurt and I feel more than before.
Everything affects me more than it should or ever did.
Ultimately,
I've lost my former self to a monster consuming all of me.
It wants only pain,
sorrow,
hurt,
and tears to remain.
It rages through me.
It's my reality check.
It reminds me everything is not okay.
It flashes ever possible thought in my head
and leaves me with nothing but crushed hopes
and paranoia.
Is everything real
or do I make it that way?
Either way,
I need to get out of my own head.
For I've become my own worst enemy,
and it's truly a nightmare.
I scare even myself.
But you don't care.
I'm just complaining again.
So don't mind me,
(not that you ever did),
even if I scream
because you think it's all in my head.



Join the Discussion

This article has 19 comments. Post your own now!

karenlol17 said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 8:56 pm
great poem, totally understand it. feel the same way, its kind of weird. great way of summing all that up
 
thecheerleader212 said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 8:27 pm
I feel the exact same way. Everyone tells me it's just my hormones. I'm not so sure. I hope you figure it all out, though. I wish I could.
 
flubbermypanda1 said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 1:07 pm
I thought this poem was really well thought out and planned! Keep writing poems!
 
6aaronl said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 11:42 am
I completely understand this poem i think it means that tis person does something she or he regrets deeply but no one understands.
 
theMidnightSonnet said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 10:14 am
This is stunning. For a while now I've felt this and its so relieving that someone, somewhere feels the same way.
 
FirePixie203 replied...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 9:01 pm
Thank you SO much for the compliment. I would like you to know that there are people out there who feel like us. It's all a matter of who speaks out about it and let's people know.
 
lolzz said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 9:05 am
this is super deep
 
maryc said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 8:09 am
this poem was a great poem it remided me of me because i have those feeling some times.
 
nicole11 said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 7:44 am
that was really good and i could connect very well. keep writing. :)
 
Raynn. said...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 12:23 am
This is a very relatable poem, I absolutly love it(:
 
srb11 said...
Jan. 18, 2011 at 10:55 pm
i really appreciated this. very relatable. good work!
 
Elliot said...
Jan. 18, 2011 at 8:22 pm
it may seem but im a religuis freak but im not and thats why i am the way i am... i know things ive never knew before, but their evil things and i have trouble falling asleep everynight b/c i know i will see nightmares and i know that they will continue as i wake up.... i hope you dont get it as bad as me...it does seem it takes your life away but really thats an illuision, yeah i may be crazy... but i guess i was ment to be the freaky weirdo who everyone is afraid of...
 
FirePixie203 replied...
Jan. 19, 2011 at 8:51 pm
Elliot, I read your comments and I'm glad you've found an outlook. It it makes you feel any better, I would not be scared of you, and if I was I would still stay around. 2 of my friends share their poetry with me and I've seen how they feel so consumed by monsters. Everyone has a different way to deal with what's going on inside them and I really am glad you found something to help you.
 
Elliot said...
Jan. 18, 2011 at 8:16 pm
I am going through the same thing, and i figured it out by talking to people. I found out i have a demonic spirit inside me trying to pull me down... i am now turning to god and he is helping me with this...thing
 
percussionnerd1200 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 18, 2011 at 11:22 am
This really hit home for me (: great job!! This made me really happy that you wrote this. We need more raw stuff.
 
FireandWater This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 18, 2011 at 10:43 am
this is just how I feel sometimes.  very well put.
 
Eona17 said...
Jan. 18, 2011 at 7:22 am
wow this is a great poem. great job
 
Tuesday said...
Jan. 18, 2011 at 1:51 am
I loooove this. And I can completely relate.
 
Keli S. said...
Jan. 17, 2011 at 7:36 pm
i really liked this poem. it sounds like something i would write. :) i can relate to this though. its weird realizing how much you've changed.  anyway your a great writer and you chould keep at it :D
 
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