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Lost?
For so long I was thought to be this smart, strong, independent person.
Someone who is loyal, kind, a good worker, a great friend,
someone with her own ideas.
But as time goes on, I'm realizing I'm not who I was,
or who I tried to be.
I've lost myself
but I'm not sure how.
I'm trying to get back,
but I'm not sure where I was.
I've changed.
I'm weak.
I'm emotional.
I'm afraid.
I'm passive.
I'm closed up.
I'm less trusting.
I'm a complainer.
I cry,
I hurt and I feel more than before.
Everything affects me more than it should or ever did.
Ultimately,
I've lost my former self to a monster consuming all of me.
It wants only pain,
sorrow,
hurt,
and tears to remain.
It rages through me.
It's my reality check.
It reminds me everything is not okay.
It flashes ever possible thought in my head
and leaves me with nothing but crushed hopes
and paranoia.
Is everything real
or do I make it that way?
Either way,
I need to get out of my own head.
For I've become my own worst enemy,
and it's truly a nightmare.
I scare even myself.
But you don't care.
I'm just complaining again.
So don't mind me,
(not that you ever did),
even if I scream
because you think it's all in my head.
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