Peace That Wouldn't Make My Existence Decease | Teen Ink

Peace That Wouldn't Make My Existence Decease

January 1, 2011
By Anonymous

Two fingers on the trigger.
So this is what it feels like to be in control.
How can I die when I know I could have lived?
How can I live when I know I'm dying inside?
Being myself is just too hard to try.
I can't keep on my mask and continue to lie.
If I am to end it, what will become of my family?
The ones I pretend to hate.
The only ones who could slightly relate.
'I'm sorry' isn't words that I can say, not today.
Today I am looking for something different.
A new life, a break.
Even if it means putting my life at stake.
Do I really want to die?
Or do I just want to be saved?
The gun in my hand becomes heavier and heavier.
Am I strong enough to hold it, still?
Finally I rise upon a choice.
The little voice inside my head told me I'm better off dead.
But you know what I did instead?
I dropped the gun to the floor, I sank to my knees and cried.
I stopped trying to be fearless when this was risen out of fear.
I gained courage which I used to confess my lie.

Today wasn't the day I died inside, nor out.
I became myself, free of doubts.
All I have to thank is that gun for bringing me peace.
Peace that wouldn't make my existence decease.


The author's comments:
This one is about a suicidal person who finally realized, suicide won't fix it.

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