remembering is hurting me
but to forget forever
leave those moments unappreciated
would be a sin
so before I do
forget, that is
I will remember
a few quick things
like when you blew me a kiss
after I showed you that picture
I drew of you
well, I didn't show it to you
you stole it while I was sleeping in the car
or when I was being strong
standing a chance
and you just tickled me
and I collapsed
and I pretended to be mad
but really I didn't mind
because you touched me
I must write fast
these guilty thoughts
I've been repressing
I must get them out of here
for good
and then maybe finally I will be able to sleep
remember
on the highway at night
when we rolled down the windows
and stuck our heads out of the car
and our hair streamed back
and our laughter was lost in the wind
as the streetlights raced by
and
that same night
I propped my feet up on your seat in front of me
and you kept playfully smacking them away
like we had always been such easy friends
remember sitting under a tree
and you played guitar
and told me to sing
so I did
and I sounded quiet and timid
because you made me nervous
remember when we shared a chair at the computer
or when I leaned against your legs as I sat on the ground
or when I slept in your lap on the train
or I pretended to
and you played with my hair
and put your jacket around me
and there was that funny old man
who got off at the stop before us
who called me your girlfriend
and you laughed
and gave me a look
with just a little bit of an apology hidden inside it
and I asked if you were sure that he was wrong
and you just shook your head
because you didn't want to think about that
remember the time I forgot my shoes
so you gave me a piggy back ride
and do you remember
when I convinced you to hold my hand
because I knew you wanted to
even though you would never admit it
now I have remembered
and I think I need to stop
so now I will shut this fast
and wait for amnesia to come
in peace
before you kill me
from the inside out