I'm A Fake

November 2, 2010
By , Brandon, FL
So here we go again.
You'll scream and yell and shout.
Throwing your criticizing words about.
Cursing everything I do,
Can nothing I do please you?
I'm only a teenager, after all.
I'm going to make mistakes.
But must you really sound so full of hate?
You say times were hard back then.
Back when?
No cars, cell phones, computers.
"You've got it so damn easy."
I'm sorry that technological improvements
Have not made me a perfect daughter…
What do you mean I'm not listening?
For God's sake, you're screaming at me.
Here, let me just lower my head.
Oh look I'm crying.
Inside I'm dying.
"I think you're right..." I'm lying.
You're oblivious to everything about me.
Not even to tell that my "beautiful" smile...
Is fake...
So full of hate...
Unspoken words you'll never hear.
Do you know why?

While you're trying to "give me guidance"
I swallow and choke on every word that pushes up.
Poison brews behind my clenched teeth.
So much I want to say.
I don't know why I always lie.
I never agree with anything you say,
When your lectures turn to disgust and accusations.

[Don't you dare blame him.
It's my fault not his.]

Inside my head I'm screaming right back.
Giving you a real piece of my mind.
And I close my eyes and, and rub my arms.
I can feel each self inflicted scar.
Still no regrets.

[I still have him as a friend.]

You wonder why I lie so much.
It's not that you aren't worth the truth,
You can't handle it.
I've tried. You explode.
So now I'll sit there in silence.
Falsely agreeing to your hateful words.
Do you ignore the hate burning in my eyes?
I know you see it.
I look away so many times.
Just to calm myself from screaming at you.
I hide myself from you.
The side you see now, is only what I let show.
I don't think you'll ever know what I've hidden.
Lies. Secrets. Truths. Hatred. Tears. Words. Actions.
I'll never regret anything.
No matter how much you say different.
If only you knew the real me.
Your heart would shatter.

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