All Rain Cloud and No Sun

October 18, 2010
The war has begun
I am both sides….

Tears pour from my eyes when I am alone;
Violent sounds inside plague my heart and soul.
I feel like a moving ferocious rain storm.
Dark, wet from the tears, cloudy, murky, sad...depressed,
I am waiting for my day when the sun comes again.
I can’t help but hide all my feelings behind my swollen eyes.

No one understands me anymore.
I feel alone in my own dark cave.
Every time I hear someone coming thoughts rush
through my head- not always
thoughts but now a daily routine:
Swallow your tears,
Wipe your face,
Suck it up and…Smile.
They only see my smiles
But I’m waiting for them,
to catch me shedding those tears.

They think I am just a girl, a teenage moody queen.
There’s a difference they don’t see:
I am not moody,
I am all rain cloud and no sun.

It’s time I cry for help.
I’m hoping someone is there to pick me up.
Your supposed to know who I was. I was a sunshine.
Notice me, and my gray moods,
it’s time for me to stop
building up my cold cement wall
of pain and tears and irritation.
Now I’m trying to build up courage
to show my erratic rainstorm on the inside.
Help. Help. Help me bring out my sunshine.

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