Blank Screen

October 10, 2010
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I turn off my phone
Tired of the reminder that im all alone
No new texts, no missed calls
I press the red button, the screen stalls
It turns black, I toss it on the bed
Lay down myself, try to clear my head
But thoughts of you cloud my mind
I thought a phone could leave you behind
But I tricked myself with that one too
Honestly there’s no getting away from you
Its not even you personally
Just the thought having somebody
Who could like me and all my flaws
Leave texts messages and leave missed calls
Answer after the first ring
Dying to know what you’re missing
Because you care about what goes on
Never take too long to respond
You’re the one who can’t stop thinking
About us and what I’m feeling
And if I feel the same way too
And what exactly we’re getting ourselves into
And when’s the next time we’ll be alone
So you can tell me, and not over the phone
That you do like me and it should be more
Than just this going back and forth
Of what was left unsaid
We can say it all on my bed
Where the worst happened and the best too
And I can say I like you too
I won’t have to make the first move
Or even try to prove
That im good enough
Because you already told me that stuff

That would have been before all this
Before I rejected that first kiss
Before the words had been made to be unsaid
Back to that day when we lay on my bed
You’d lean in and I would too
We would make up what was long overdue
That would have been before that day
When we did kiss but I pulled away
Even though I wanted nothing more
But that would have been way before
I left that message of things unsaid
My liking you, via text message
That would have been before you never replied
Before we went for one last bike ride
Before you leaned in for one last time
Before I went completely insane
And before that day when it began to rain
The day when I let us throw it all away
The day when I decided not to say
All the things that were left unsaid
which is why I’m laying here, and can’t clear my head
of all the times when it would have worked
But I was too scared of getting hurt
So instead I inflicted my own pain
And left me as the only one to blame
This is why that screen is blank
And I have no one but me left to thank
I still want to turn it on
Just in case I had been wrong
But of course I will not be
Because I love to subject myself to misery.

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