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Flashbacks

By , North Vancouver, Canada
Dancing
Breathing
Hoping for the future
Suddenly, your hand grabs my wrist
Lurches me out of the place where everything was quiet
Stops my heart and sends my nerves fluttering anxiously
Like pieces of paper in the storm of your eyes
Your fingertips, I know them so well
Have spent countless hours staring at them,
Wondering how they could do what you did to me
Your fingertips, they touch my wrist
And when you pull me towards you
I am overwhelmed with the desire to scream
Out of hatred
Out of pain
Out of confusion
When you let me go
I am left breathless with hatred
The places where your hand touched my wrist
Throb like your skin is made of hot iron
If it’s part of you,
It might as well be
Considering the pain you bring me
I don’t know what happened there
But when you left me
To continue in your choreography
My mind was spinning
Lost like a drunk driver on a glassy highway
Wheels spinning, spinning, spinning,
Losing traction, losing sight of everything that
Used to be solid
Grounded
I can’t feel my way back to my quiet place
Because the flashbacks have started now
Your face in my memory like
The Nazi swastika and I can’t breathe because the air is stuck
Somewhere between hurt and confusion
Somewhere between the memories we made
And that day I found out
The oxygen I need is stuck somewhere
Between addiction and images and urges and a painful recovery
Tears fill my eyes
Because I thought I was over this,
Over you
But the flashbacks pulse like
Drum beats in my mind
All because the choreography
Made you grab my wrist,
Pull hard
And let me fall





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