A heavy price to pay

In hazy doubt I fall asleep
The morning comes
But does not lift
The drooping mask
So heavy on my face
The face I’ve scorched
And starved and hated
The face I care to know no longer
My words I borrowed
In exchange for truth
The face I wear is as foreign
As that my mother gave to me
One light in this entire world
I seem to see
A dim and ghostly vision
That’s drawn me in
Up close I come
Ignoring shadows all around
I feel the flutter
Of pale wings
Against my tired hand
Where is the love
One ought to feel
I search for it
But the keys
Are forever lost to me
Oppressed by hatred for myself
I watch with boredom
As the only passion of my life
Looks into my empty eyes
The light dissolves
And darkness falls
On this old room
Nothing here but tired lies
I lean against
The frozen window
The dreams I thought I lived
Are jeering at me from the street
The light forever dancing
Sliding from my icy feeble grasp.





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