you ruined me.
you lied to me
and told me i was special.
you acted like i was
the most important person
in the whole wide world.
you ruined me.

i need to forgive you.
i want to forgive you
and i try to forgive you,
but i cant.
every time i see you
i think of all the pain
you've caused me
and i wish that i
could somehow
do the same to you.

but i also wish with all my heart
that i could forgive you of all the wrong
you've caused in my life.
all the damage you've done to my life.
problem after problem,
lie after lie,
death after death
of good relationships with people who,
unlike you,
actually care about me.

day after day,
week after week,
year after year,
i learn more about who you really are.
and i realize...the only way
to get past all the pain
is to finally forgive you.

and i try
with all my might
that i might be able to learn
from your mistakes.
something good has to come of this.
something worth while must be worth all this.
or am i just a lost cause?

no.
i'm worth the pain,
i'm worth the fight,
i'm worth the reality check
that someone has to put you through.
i'm worth more then this life,
more then the abuse and the pain.
i'm worth love.
and i'm worth loving.

because of you, i dont trust people.
because of this hell, i didn't trust him
or my own feelings.
but i know now.
i see now.
i have to fight past my past
and dive headfirst into the future.

the lovly future
i'm building
with him.