I'm Sorry

August 11, 2010
I'm out of control,
So tired of being tired
And of not being myself.
It's not my fault, they say;
It is my organs, my biology,
But I can't help but blame myself,
Although I know that's ridiculous,
Kind of like me.
I know I am ridiculous,
And I'm sorry,
So sorry,
So sorry,
But I can't say it.

I cannot speak what is right.
Instead, all that bubbles forth from my mouth
Is foolishness,
Hurtful things, I'm sure,
But I don't know,
For I can't think;
No words pass through my mind.
They only travel out through my mouth,
And I comprehened not their definition
Or their effect on the ones I love.
And I'm sorry,
So sorry,
So sorry,
But I cannot show it to you.

I'm acting just the opposite
Of the way I know I ought to,
And I don't know how to synchronize
My actions with my brain,
But when my thoughts are nonexistant,
I suppose the two are sychronized, anyway.
I know this can't make sense to you,
For it doesn't add up to me.
I love you,
And if this is too much a load,
Then I assure you with all my defective heart
That I'm sorry,
So sorry,
So sorry,
But I'm not sure how to fix it.

I don't know how I can help myself,
For each time I try,
It's like a needle in my eye
That I simply continue trying and trying again
To pull out,
And each tug is more painful,
For ev'ry time I believe I am improving,
I only decrease again;
Can you understand?
I'm so tired of being tired,
So sick of being sick,
So disgusted at being disgusted,
So guilty for being guilty
And so sorry that I'm so sorry
For each pace I take.
I hope you understand
That I'm sorry for being sad and saddening,
And I know it sounds eccentric
To be sorry for being sorry,
But that's exactly what I am.

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