Doldrums

August 10, 2010
By squidzinkpen SILVER, Buffalo, New York
squidzinkpen SILVER, Buffalo, New York
9 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The Irish gave the Scots the bagpipes as a joke, but the Scots haven't seen the joke yet"- Irish Proverb


The shock in your
eyes reflects the view
of your blackened soul
and beatless heart
Blood rushed
through your dead
veins like the
tears in my eyes.
The shattered piles of love
cannot be blown
away
The doldrums cannot
Take you and
Nor can I.



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This article has 4 comments.


on Sep. 28 2011 at 9:47 pm
ItsAshMal SILVER, Guilford, Connecticut
8 articles 0 photos 44 comments

I like how we don't know exactly what this poem is reffering to, as it adds a mysteriousm vouyeristic quality to it. 

I also love "beatless heart"

Quick grammar thing: nor--neither

And the lines could be broken slightly differently to get your point across more efficiently and to keep the attention of the reader. 


on Sep. 28 2011 at 6:55 pm
Calliashi SILVER, Litchfield Park, Arizona
6 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
The man with the key is king and honey, you should see me in a crown. ~James Moriarty

This was really good! I like your work.

Even though I HATED free verse, this poem actually changed my perspective on it. AWESOME JOB!


on Sep. 8 2010 at 7:26 pm
squidzinkpen SILVER, Buffalo, New York
9 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The Irish gave the Scots the bagpipes as a joke, but the Scots haven't seen the joke yet"- Irish Proverb

Thank you! Your comment is very much appreciated! I actually got the word from my Earth Science class back in eighth grade when this was written, so I understand where you're coming from with not knowing what it meant poetically at first =)

on Sep. 8 2010 at 5:28 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

This probably would have seemed more poetic to me, had I known the definitions of 'doldrums' to which you wre refering.  I though you were talking about the big cluster of clams, know as the doldrums, (oops.)  But once I looked the word up, nad found the definition you were using, this suddenly became much more poetic, (wonder why... ? lol)  Anyway, this was just plain beautiful.  And I loved, loved, loved, that this didn't rhyme!!!  Ryming always mutilates a poem, good job for keeping this true and clean.

5 stars



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