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Doldrums

The shock in your
eyes reflects the view
of your blackened soul
and beatless heart
Blood rushed
through your dead
veins like the
tears in my eyes.
The shattered piles of love
cannot be blown
away
The doldrums cannot
Take you and
Nor can I.



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ItsAshMal This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 9:47 pm

I like how we don't know exactly what this poem is reffering to, as it adds a mysteriousm vouyeristic quality to it. 

I also love "beatless heart"

Quick grammar thing: nor--neither

And the lines could be broken slightly differently to get your point across more efficiently and to keep the attention of the reader. 

 
Calliashi said...
Sept. 28, 2011 at 6:55 pm

This was really good! I like your work.

Even though I HATED free verse, this poem actually changed my perspective on it. AWESOME JOB!

 
thepreechyteenager said...
Sept. 8, 2010 at 5:28 pm

This probably would have seemed more poetic to me, had I known the definitions of 'doldrums' to which you wre refering.  I though you were talking about the big cluster of clams, know as the doldrums, (oops.)  But once I looked the word up, nad found the definition you were using, this suddenly became much more poetic, (wonder why... ? lol)  Anyway, this was just plain beautiful.  And I loved, loved, loved, that this didn't rhyme!!!  Ryming always mutilates a p... (more »)

 
squidzinkpen replied...
Sept. 8, 2010 at 7:26 pm
Thank you! Your comment is very much appreciated! I actually got the word from my Earth Science class back in eighth grade when this was written, so I understand where you're coming from with not knowing what it meant poetically at first =)
 
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