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Salty Grave

Fire.
Burning inside me.
Deep fire.
Cold fire.
Watery fire.
Lungs burning.
Can't breathe.
Reaching out,
and
feeling...
nothingness.
Panic.
Lungs sigh of relief.
Bubbles making their way
up...
to where I should go...
but can't.
Instead,
I make my way
down down...
Salty tears
mixing
with salty ocean
mixing
with my
salty grave.





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This article has 12 comments. Post your own now!

ellyn-bo-bellyn_2014 said...
Oct. 3, 2010 at 12:22 pm
ok. this is- i cant get over how flawlessly you've portrayed this emotion. it's beautifually tragic. Really great work! :)
 
alanacarlene replied...
Oct. 3, 2010 at 5:45 pm
Awwww!!! OMG! You like so totally made my day :))))) now i'm all smiley! I'm sooo glad you liked it Ellyn! Thank you super super much! :DDD
 
GangstaEyes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 30, 2010 at 8:46 pm
I love this. It is written SO well and the flow and word choice are perfect. And the quote makes it easy for me to relate to the whole thing. Great work :)
 
alanacarlene replied...
Oct. 1, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Awww! :) Thanks! I'm super happy you like it and that means a LOT to me! :D
 
CiCiJoLee said...
Sept. 20, 2010 at 5:49 pm
this poem is really pretty..the idea is sad but its written so elegantly:)) i especially like the ending "salty tears-mixing-with salty ocean-mixing-with my-salty grave" really great:)
 
alanacarlene replied...
Sept. 21, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Thank you so so much! That means a lot to me :)
 
Kaptain said...
Aug. 30, 2010 at 12:19 pm

good work!

 

Do go through mine if u have the time.. dont forget to rate and comment :)

 
alanacarlene replied...
Aug. 30, 2010 at 4:16 pm
Ok I will and thank you! And feel free to check out some more of my work if ya haven't!
 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 29, 2010 at 2:14 pm
A very well written poem. It illustrates very well the desperate feeling of 'drowning.' It makes a great metaphor, and I LOVE the title. Great job.
 
alanacarlene replied...
Aug. 29, 2010 at 4:23 pm
Eep! Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it! :) :D I'll check out some of your work!
 
Thesilentraven This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 29, 2010 at 4:30 pm
I'd love if you commented on my work! I am unsure of the word 'eep' though.
 
alanacarlene replied...
Aug. 29, 2010 at 4:55 pm
Haha! 'Eep' is what i say when i get excited sometimes i dont know how i started saying that though! hahahaha
 
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