To Those Who Care

July 29, 2010
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Is what I'm seeing,
Or is the whole world leaving?
Is it all gunna crash,
End in a bash,
Just for us to think about,
the way it will all end.
So I'll tell you my friend,
How do you think its gunna end?
With wars and violence,
or peace and silence?
'Cause believe me hun,
This world is never fun.
Hatin' and discrimination,
There ain't no more appreciation.
In this world left for us.
Little kids starting to curse,
Tell me what's worse,
It's the kids dying because of us,
The toxins comin' from the buses,
The trains,
The planes.
Carbon don't sound to good now does it?
Killing little ones in the Afghan,
Yeah that don't sound good off hand,
The military is forced to shoot,
As ordered by the big boot.
He said he'd bring 'em back to us,
I just think that's a big fuss,
'Cause to me,
They'll never be free.

Make love not war.

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thewriteidea This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 22, 2010 at 5:30 pm

wow--i really like this!! i love the way you have it rhyming. sometimes, authors get so caught up in making the rhymes possible that they forget about the true meaning of the actual poem. you don't seem to have that problem! your lines flow so naturally. great job!

check out some of my work, too if you'd like. i really like this! keep up the good work!!(:

Hayz~Hardcore said...
Aug. 20, 2010 at 10:13 am
I loved this poem. It's completly true. Im sick of what the world is becoming. Im only 17 and im afraid that once i really get out into the world, there will be nothing left of it. If u can pls check out some of my work, it would be much appriciated. Keep up the good work. U got alot of talent!
TheCreativeMiller replied...
Aug. 20, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Thank you for your opinion and compliments, I appreciate it! I don't have much time these days, but I promise I will go back and check out some of your stuff when I do have the time.
Shminkanator5000 said...
Aug. 19, 2010 at 8:29 pm
Overall I liked the poem, but i feel like at times the whole element of rhyme was lost. If you were more consistent with that I think I'd love it even more! I did like it and i wholly agree with you about the government. nice work! Check out some of my stuff? thanks =)
TheCreativeMiller replied...
Aug. 20, 2010 at 2:20 am
I didn't try to rhyme the entire poem, I did alot of revising before I posted it. It took about a month to get it reviewed and posted by Teenink. Thank you for your opinion!
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