Not Just a Phase

July 16, 2010
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They told me to write about happiness and love
and all things pleasant on Earth,
but I can't write about things I don't feel
about things I've only hoped for,

They told me to describe roses blooming
and the sun shining on my face,
but how can I describe such things
when I only feel coldness and only see gray,

They told me to talk about living
and my hopes that I dream about,
but the truth is I don't dream at night
and I don't aspire to be anything great,

I told them they needed to understand how I feel
what I dream about and what my life means to me,
but they told me I was just going through a phase
but we all know it's so much more than that,

So then I wrote them a poem without their suggestions
I wrote them the story of my life,
not the life they wanted me to have
I wrote the story of how I feel everyday,

Stepping in front of the mirror and
seeing everything I don't want to be,
living life lacking the feeling of love
and with the absence of happiness,

Walking out into the supposedly bright sunshine
and only feeling cold and seeing a dull shade of gray,
lying in bed at night thinking of death and dreaming it would come sooner
but secretly hoping that I would see the world everyone calls beautiful,

I'm living life trapped in a haze that I can't seem to get past
I'm waiting for someone to pull me aboard their ship of happiness,
and save me from the overwhelming sea of cold black waves
but after all this is just a phase and the fog will eventually dissipate,

I hope their right
but deep inside I know they're wrong,
so are you going to tell me to write something happy?
or will you listen to my story and guide me to the light?





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