Crumpled Lives

July 13, 2010
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Some of us think we're lost
That we can never be found,
That we won't be found.
Those of us that lead complicated lives
Confused lives, haunted
And crumpled lives.
I am one of those people.
My crumpled life consists of
Everything combined into one
My crumpled life was created
The very day I was born.
Now I am sixteen,
Now people try and help me find my way
Starting today-I try and find my way.
Yesterday I knew I was lost
Today I know I can be found
And today is the day that
I start to iron out the wrinkles,
Smooth down the crusty edges,
And completely wash and replenish
My once crumpled Life.





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sleeplessdreamer said...
Aug. 13, 2010 at 9:03 am

Ok, you have one fluke. I don't know if you've just spoiled me rotten with all your other ones, but this wasn't that great. I know that the title is "Crumpled Lives" and I'm all for repetition, but the way you repeated that phrase in this poem was a little forced, and it sounded more like you couldn't find any other words to describe it. The flow was off and it hindered me from seeing the story behind the poetry. 

One gem though: I loved the lines "And I start to iron out the wrin... (more »)

 
MercedesXO replied...
Aug. 14, 2010 at 3:13 pm
lol. again, thanks for your honesty. and yeah, this poem i wrote in literally less than two minutes. most of the other ones i took a much MUCH longer time and thought on. lol. glad you can depict the difference:)
 
sleeplessdreamer replied...
Aug. 14, 2010 at 5:35 pm
Haha, yeah... I have a lot of poems that I write down in a two minutes. More like bursts of thoughts and ideas that actual constructed poems. This wasn't bad, but it wasn't as good. 
 
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