Three Life Stages

July 7, 2010
By , Sandown, NH
This sky below me opens up,
and I fall form the high I thought I'd
never get over.

But now,
don't judge me for something you think I am,
and I know I am not.
Just listen to my story and close your eyes because
I know you need to see,
but I also know that you listen better when you can't criticize.
And yea I've seen it all with these eyes,
the tears that run like the blood of a soldier.
The heart brake.
silently screamin'
while the wrists,
they're quietly bleedin'

Now, don't tell me that my past is wrong,
because I know what's before me is strong.
hell yea I've moved on.
And stepped out of the scene where
white tape on the ground means
another family is gonna suffer sleeplessly.

But you,
your makin' my indestructible smile brake.
God, stop.
Cause I don't wanna have to paint it on again.

I'm gonna tell you what I remember about my past
Cause it burns a sick hole through my heart,
Like the acid you spit in my direction.
You didn’t even bother,
To tell me my in correction.
So please rise
and let us pick at your imperfection.

Though then I could see the sky,
And yea it lived above my artificial high
And you never could kiss me goodbye.
As long as I stand here behind you.
Like your base
and I resent you.

So, as the sky opens,
I’ll put my head on this pillow and cry a lake.
Cause I'm pretty sure can swim.
I have been practicing the dead mans float
for years.

And I know as I do it.
it’ll seem as though the rest of the world
Is looking down on me,
and I know
It is just a reoccurring memory,
Of my subconscious mind.
In this poor
unconscious me.

I can not resent the present

As I stand here.
Activated by this blood screaming through these veins,
Carrying adrenalin through to these reins.
And running my life into the ground.
Cause there ain't nothin' but broken heart beats down there.

And sorrow,

The same feeling I get when the ceiling drips hope
And the windows creak with preservation.
As the floor boards wobble and my dreams come
Crashing through the door,
As my mind is let loose,
Just a little bit more.

Now, I see what has broken the mend
Between my heart and this pen,
As I lash out unforgiving images with writing.
Like a million of these broken hearts sighing,
As you fix the hearts that are dying,
And please shut up with all this lying,
and if you don't like this...
start trying to write my future
In your own words.

This time

It's no more of this broken lie.
No more of this
broken heartbeat
in time.
How can you even say that,
After everything I gave you
And praise you
On everything that made you.

Cause you,
You keep trying to break me
And take me away
And take me to this place you think will shake me.
Though I’m not the same as I used to be.
It’ll take a lot more to put another scar on this soul
So take
another look at me.

Just follow the words you say through my veins
And watch as no line leaves a stain on my soul.
And no memory leaves a broken hole
In my heart.

As I click restart
On a new beginning.

And say goodbye,
To all this sinning
And pray, that this new beginning will start today.
As my mind traces the places I’ve been.
And praises the lord

I don’t believe in.

You tell me to look at the sky,
As though I’m in your shoes,
But I’d rather be in your hands
Cause that way
I can finally show
how I feel.

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