Mechanical

June 16, 2010
By Fieldsofwind GOLD, Thousand Oaks, California
Fieldsofwind GOLD, Thousand Oaks, California
18 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Here we are in chemistry class. There's no chemistry in this room, though.....it's an all-girls school and no one's brave enough to be lesbian.


Empty, this soul is breaking
No moonbeam soft can reach to fill my void.
And I lay, lowly and icy
Bare and wrapped in world's sorrow unkind.
Something stirs deep within this heart of stone
When I touch my chest, my skin is searing hot
I scream for pain but feel nothing
Am I dead, or have I finally forgot
Just how to feel?
Nothing anymore seems completely real.
Everything is so half-hearted or complacent or so cold within me.
I can barely muster up affection for whosoever loves me.
I try so hard and feel myself slip
The feeling that I knew I had, right on through my fingertips
No life to call my own, no sound
This echo of a sigh rebounds
And comes back to lay faithful at my feet
Like the dog I cannot bear to beat.

The author's comments:
I don't know how to act, or talk, to fight, or live. I can't seem to do anything correctly. When I attempt to get across to people how much they mean to me, it never works. If i try to talk about when I'm feeling badly, I end up brushing it off [which is fine, but it makes me all calloused]
and I'm being too self-centered even NOW.
Also, any sort of physical ANYTHING goes awry with me if it involves the person I want to hold more than anything.
I want, I want, I WANT to not just use words [not even spoken words, i muck that up badly, words on a computer screen] to get across that I do love you, but I am so untouchable, so hard to talk to in person because it's hard for me to talk to you about deep things in person, and I'm so very cowardly and awkward when it comes to any sort of attempt at physical affection.


and, again, here i am thinking about myself. there are people out there who i'm sure have bigger problems than a total lack of social skill.


forgive me please.

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