I don’t want to believe they’re gone
Don’t want to recognise the total disintegration of their presence
Acknowledge I’m not beside them
My place beside them is gone
Never more
Never again
Cut off
Strung up n hung

Maybe they know how I feel
Maybe it tears them apart
Maybe they feel the very same dagger that’s pressing in my skull
Widening the plain in my heart
That space empty
The seat is reserved but will not be taken by them
I can’t remove the sticker
Can’t scratch off the engravings
Don’t know if my heart would let me

I still remember what they smell like
Their scent in my memory bank
Stored in its’ own special cupboard
Even their voice drifts into my head...
From time-to-time...
It’s a blessing and a curse
I know that voice as well as my own
Clear as a bell in my ears even now

Every moment is in laminated
In my head
So it can’t be torn up
But what if I want to forget?
What if remembering just hurts
Makes the wounds deeper
The blood spill thicker
More painful shade of red
Pain I’m familiar with
Used to it...

So I’ll find a way to remove the engravings
Burn the sticker on their seat
Fill the space they left
Turn searing pain to gleaming happiness
The dull grey to sparkling white
Remove the memories for good
They don’t deserve my pain
The past can be erased
As can their scent
Their voice...
Wounds can heal
Scars can fade
Blood can be wiped
So maybe I can mend
Say goodbye to this enveloping pain...