not coming back

Severely average-that's what you called me. I always like to think I was unique. Guess not. You're right – you always are. People worship you, I don't see why. I think you enjoy breaking those girls hearts. Watching them crumble from head to toe when you walk away. You apologize, but I see your lips turned slightly upwards. That smug faint grin makes me sick. Some sort of twinkle in your eyes. Silly girl crying in the corner. So I see the rumors are true.
Incapable of love I am- I don't believe in it anyway. You call me late at night and whisper sweet nothings. Whatever. I can see through lies as if they were true. Ill breathe the sweetness of relief – grow wings and fly away. You don't like girls who do drugs anyway it's the innocence you like to corrupt. Hypocrite. Ill forget you like all the rest have forgotten me. But I think I will remember that night. In my dress, in your suit under the lights. I hate dresses now. Not like when we were 5 and I would wear them all the time. I always told you I couldn't dance, you would just laugh. You never could make me smile. I think that's why you tried so hard – for everything- just because you couldn't. I could smell your heavy cologne, your hands on my waist. You kissed me. It was like every girls fairytale, but I felt absolutely nothing. I'd rather be home in my pajamas listening to the yelling. I'd rather lie on a bed of nails than be here with you. Or up in the mountains somewhere-anywhere far far away. In a tree maybe? Up with the monkeys. I could live off of bananas and coconuts. Dirt would feel better on my mouth than your lips. I'll walk away. No I don't want you to drive me home. Ill walk in my heels leave them by the street light. Bare foot like when we were kids. You have changed so much since then. Ill let my hair down out of these stupid barrettes. Maybe ill lay in the grass for a while and have a smoke....maybe. I was trying to quit but whats the point. For who? I use to hate the smell so did you. We were going to run away someday. Its funny; the minds of children. More stupid than funny really . Funny is a joke not the dreams that never came true- now that's just sad- pathetic even. Pathetic kids who have barely grown up, yeah that's exactly what we are. You follow the “trends” you never did before, we didn't care. Don't you remember? You didn't show up at the funeral, I remember your dad hugging me. Dad. I wonder how those words feel to slip out of your lips when you get to speak to him. Just remember that your lucky. I was looking all over for you but you didn't show up. You said you barely remembered her anyway. I still think it would've been decent of you to at least show up . Oh well. Go on and live your life in the world we both tried so hard to avoid. But maybe it's just a common dream for someone like me. Once when I was little I thought the world could only get better. Something must have misled me to such a ridiculous belief.





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