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Standing on the Moon without a Spacesuit

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I need a break.
Just a small one.
Not literally.
I don't want a broken foot
or something like that.
I'm not a masochist.
I just need some room to
breathe.
Like deep breathing.
The kind where you:
Inhale.
Hold it.
Exhale.
Relax.
Well,
that's what's supposed
to happen,
but most of the time
I just hold my breath
t o o l o n g
and end up gasping.
Not exactly what I would call
“relaxing”.
So, maybe,
I don't want to breathe deeply,
but I do need some room.
Just a little.
Just enough so that
I don't need to
think.
[Especially about
you.]



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This article has 28 comments. Post your own!

introducing.me_899 said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 1:10 pm:
kool-ness. i loved the title and really loved the poem. it was worded awesomely nd the way it was written just made it seem cooler ^^
 
Jandee replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 7:08 pm :
Thank you so much.
 
. replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 7:23 pm :
No problem. :)
 
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Mimi8 said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 12:10 pm:
This is very good, though I would try to split the lines a little differently so it flows better... Just a suggestion.
 
Jandee replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 2:09 pm :
Hmm... I see what you mean, but I think maybe when I wrote it I didn't want it to flow quite right because it's all about not being able to breath. You know?
 
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KatieGrey This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 9, 2010 at 10:55 pm:

Hey, this is really amazing :)

The form is really good.

And your comment gives me hope for all the detached titles I've got floating around.

 
Jandee replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 2:09 pm :
Thank you very much. And yes! Use those titles. A title is everything (at least to me).
 
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CrystalDEThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 4, 2010 at 4:00 pm:
Cool poem, ive felt like this a bit. I love your comment on it!
 
Jandee replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 2:10 pm :
Thank you very much. <3
 
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