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Standing on the Moon without a Spacesuit

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I need a break.
Just a small one.
Not literally.
I don't want a broken foot
or something like that.
I'm not a masochist.
I just need some room to
breathe.
Like deep breathing.
The kind where you:
Inhale.
Hold it.
Exhale.
Relax.
Well,
that's what's supposed
to happen,
but most of the time
I just hold my breath
t o o l o n g
and end up gasping.
Not exactly what I would call
“relaxing”.
So, maybe,
I don't want to breathe deeply,
but I do need some room.
Just a little.
Just enough so that
I don't need to
think.
[Especially about
you.]



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introducing.me_899 said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 1:10 pm
kool-ness. i loved the title and really loved the poem. it was worded awesomely nd the way it was written just made it seem cooler ^^
 
Jandee replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 7:08 pm
Thank you so much.
 
. replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 7:23 pm
No problem. :)
 
Mimi8 said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 12:10 pm
This is very good, though I would try to split the lines a little differently so it flows better... Just a suggestion.
 
Jandee replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Hmm... I see what you mean, but I think maybe when I wrote it I didn't want it to flow quite right because it's all about not being able to breath. You know?
 
KatieGrey This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 9, 2010 at 10:55 pm

Hey, this is really amazing :)

The form is really good.

And your comment gives me hope for all the detached titles I've got floating around.

 
Jandee replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 2:09 pm
Thank you very much. And yes! Use those titles. A title is everything (at least to me).
 
CrystalDE said...
Jul. 4, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Cool poem, ive felt like this a bit. I love your comment on it!
 
Jandee replied...
Aug. 24, 2010 at 2:10 pm
Thank you very much. <3
 
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