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Pretending

I pretend to be someone else.
Someone I’m not
and can never be.
I pretend to be happy
and in love with life.
But truly
I’m depressed
and wish I could just disappear.
I pretend like I care about everything.
But truly
I only care about a handful of things.
I pretend like I never hurt.
But truly
my daily hours are filled with flames
that lick my heart
and burn it.
I pretend like I can be without him.
But truly I cant. I
cant bear to see him with another girl.
With someone besides me.
But I’m doing it.
I want him to be happy so
why should I care about my feelings?
Its not like I’m important here?
He’s worth much more than I will ever dream of.
I just wish I could pay that price
so he could be mine.
I pretend with all my fake smiles
and laughs that everything is fine.
But truly
my world has fallen long ago.
All that’s left is the remains.
I go through the day as a figure on earth.
My mind is always wandering away,
on to you.
It’s like I become elapsed with my thoughts
that I don’t notice the day.
Its like my body does what it always does
even though I’m hardly fully present.
But I’m really tired of pretending.
I want to show this world the true me.
But I’m afraid.
Afraid that ill get judged and shunned.
Afraid people will say I have issues
and try to help me whenever I don’t need it.
I’ve handled it this far on my own
why would I need their help?
I want to reveal my true self
but I don’t think I can.
I’m not strong or brave enough.
My secrets will unravel eventually.
So they will find out sooner or later.
But maybe if you analyzed
the poetry I write then you might figure me out.





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xovanillatwilightxo This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 29, 2010 at 9:37 am
Beautiful, the last two lines are my favorite:) I can definetely relate to this, i actually write a poem about pretending too! check it out if you'd like.. TeenInk.com/poetry/free_verse/article/223179/Imaginary-Worlds/
 
Britney15 said...
Jun. 27, 2010 at 9:23 am
i can't say i relate to this poem but i loved the line "flames that lick my heart and burn it" it's very deep and shows the pain felt
 
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