My head now burns.
From a fever that’s never hit.
Sickness worthy of amnesia,
That we do not pretend.

The truth remains.
The past is unchanged.

I remember because,
It’s impossible to forget,
And,
I’ll never admit it.

Never admit
It kills my heart,
Forces me to secretly fight,
Bring up goals unrealistic,
Impossible.
Terrible goals that won’t fix anything.

Anything,
Anything I saw,
Or didn’t.

I wish I had amnesia now,
Because the days,
Have followed quickly to nights,
And
I can’t keep it straight.

If I had amnesia,
I’d be able to tell the difference.
Between fiction,
And reality.

Right now,
I’m a little thing,
Big person,
Curled into a ball.
Rain falling around me,
My fears,
And praying for amnesia,
Until I can fight.

Fight against myself.