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They Told Me

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They told me I
Would be alright
If I closed my eyes
Took them as my light

They told me I
Would be just fine
If I held their hand
Let their will replace mine

And when the heady fog
Slowly fades, disappears
The single thought burst open in flames –

Where is the hand
That guided me through?
Where are the words
That told me just what to do?

A knife in the back
Twisted hard, twisted deep!
A slap in the face
Unbelief, unbelief!

And I know –

I never should
Have swallowed their lies
Cause now on my own
Tell me how --

How can I stand?

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sleeplessdreamer said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 6:47 am:

Oooh, your rhyming skills are fabulous. It's hard to build up enough expertise to rhyme without difficulty. (And a good vocabulary.) Nice poem. I really liked the emotion behind it. 

The only thing I think needs some tweaking is the last stanza. I don't know if I read it wrong, but all of your poem was so easy to read and flowing until that line. I had to stop and think about how you were trying to make those words go together and rhyme. Took away from the impact, but that's just ... (more »)

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Shannon_Bananon said...
May 25, 2010 at 4:34 pm:
Wow... powerful. I love the way the ending was driven.
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