They Told Me

May 7, 2010
By Ramzan SILVER, Loveland, Ohio
Ramzan SILVER, Loveland, Ohio
8 articles 0 photos 29 comments

They told me I
Would be alright
If I closed my eyes
Took them as my light

They told me I
Would be just fine
If I held their hand
Let their will replace mine

And when the heady fog
Slowly fades, disappears
The single thought burst open in flames –
Where

Where is the hand
That guided me through?
Where are the words
That told me just what to do?

A knife in the back
Twisted hard, twisted deep!
A slap in the face
Unbelief, unbelief!

And I know –

I never should
Have swallowed their lies
Cause now on my own
Tell me how --

How can I stand?



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This article has 2 comments.


on Aug. 16 2010 at 6:47 am
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

Oooh, your rhyming skills are fabulous. It's hard to build up enough expertise to rhyme without difficulty. (And a good vocabulary.) Nice poem. I really liked the emotion behind it. 

The only thing I think needs some tweaking is the last stanza. I don't know if I read it wrong, but all of your poem was so easy to read and flowing until that line. I had to stop and think about how you were trying to make those words go together and rhyme. Took away from the impact, but that's just me. 


on May. 25 2010 at 4:34 pm
Shannon_Bananon, Loveland, Ohio
0 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
About talking; why don't people ever think before they talk? It would save so much trouble; it would also save me from wanting to slap about half of the world's population.
~Fictional Character (Brilliant, but, sadly, fake.)

Wow... powerful. I love the way the ending was driven.


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