When will you understand?

March 20, 2010
By Anonymous

There's something going on.
I don't know how to explain it.
It's like she doesn't care
It's like I don't matter
Like my feelings don't matter
It's embarassing sometimes
Like she hates me
I have grown to not have any love for her
The countless things she's done to bother me
make me cry
come begging, as if i was a young child
her ongoing love to provoke me into tears
thats what bothers me the most
is she ever going to understand?
annoyance, embarassment, thats what i feel towards her
i don't understand, isnt there supposed to be love?
i feel it with my father, but not my mother.
Is it because I'm a bad kid?
Is it because I do bad in school?
Who knows.
All i know is that she treats me differently than of my siblings
What can i do to prove to her
that i am a good person?
How come there is no bond between us?
A mother and daughter should have love between them, yet i feel nothing, nothing at all.
Sure, she was the one who nursed me back to health when i was weak, feeds me, puts clothes on my back
But there is something missing
Or am i just ungrateful?
This woman gave me life
and I am doubting her love?
Is that a crime?
Or is it natural?
Why is there no connection, no special bond.
Maybe that's why I feel as if I'll always love my son more than my daughter.
I don't want to have a child knowing I'm not going to be able to love it as much as another
I know that all children are special
and all are innocent, born supposed to be loved and cared for.
Maybe as time passes
I wont be the mother my mother was to me.

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