Illness

March 25, 2010
I am lying here
The white bedsheets
The white room
The death bed I know all too well
The humming of the cadence
I can hear the doctor and the nurses whispering
"There is nothing more we can do"
And I can just hear her crying
Her tears falling to the cold floor
Like diamond drops of rain from the parting skies

I hear the beeping of my heart's impulses
The droning of the machines around me
My lips are dry and pale
My eyes are distant with sorrow
Because I can see my life fading before me
I know I will not be coming home this time
Her sobs make my heart feel weaker than ever
"Please don't go..."
The nurses finally let her in
I can here the echoes of her gentle footsteps

She falls to her knees
She lies her head on my chest
My heart will not even race anymore
Her essence is so soothing
I weakly wrap my arms around her
Her tear-stained gaze turns to me
She smiles weakly
She knows what I have been ready for
"You'll be fine, dear. Please don't go..."
I do not know what to say
Too weak to spell out any words
I smile a crooked smile

I fear more than anything
More than dying, meeting death, judgment
The hardest part is leaving you
My dream who has met my reality
It is just a matter of time
Before I leave this world forever
Before I can no longer see your beautiful face
If I'm not passing today
It will be tomorrow
And I can only ask you to be true
My mind tortures my soul
I breathe the words
Softly and ominously
The last words I will ever speak
"I love you, dear...more than anything...don't be scared"

The tears weave down her cheeks
My vision begins to blur
She holds me tight
I caress her back one last time
And my lips touch her forehead one final time
My eyes finally close
My arms become light as feathers
She screams my name
She cries and sobs
"Don't go! You can't go!"

I die today
I live tomorrow
I will watch over you
I will still protect you
Farewell
I love you





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