Dear (Best Friend)

February 6, 2010
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Dear (best friend),
Yesterday I told you I want to die
Through the pages of our lime green notebook, plastered with stickers that I knew would make you smile.
I erased the letters several times. Never sounded just right.
(Best friend),
I imagined your face reading those sentences.
And it was hard to see you do anything but smile. You've cried in front of me only once since I’ve known you, outside of the haunted house that was too scary for us to go inside. Not this October, I said.
Next year.
Can I change my mind, (best friend),
If I’ve thought long and hard about this? Not a split second decision, like the faces we made in the 3 dollar photo booth at the mall.
I don’t think you hurt when you scribbled out your response. No grey tear stains on the lined page. I wouldn’t want you to ruin your makeup, either.
I had already stopped feeling when I read what you said to me.
‘Get well soon.’

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