Past the Mask

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So many years of silence,
eat away at thee.
He can only hope that one day,
from all these burdens he'll be set free.

His mask seems to work,
far too well.
At this point,
one too many times he's fell.

But no one can see past him,
past the mask.
They are all to clueless,
to even think to ask.

To ask if anything is wrong.

If they would only ask,
then they would see.
That he's all but fine,
and far from free.





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sleeplessdreamer said...
Aug. 14, 2010 at 5:57 pm
Good job with the rhyming here. I really enjoyed the flow, except with the first stanza. I don't know what the deal is with you and thees (I think you did this once before) but I think it really lacks that emotional edge to it, and sucks the life out of a poem. Find more modern relatable words or this sounds more like an odd cross between modern and Shakespearean poetry. 
 
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