November 22, 2009
By , Cheektowaga, NY
Every day I walk down the same street, same hall.
My thoughts are taking over my life, sadly.
I’m always in the blue, for me it’s a actual place, not just s mood.
A place where no one can follow me, save me
I’ve fought for three long years, its time I give up.
The day you told me to put on a fake smile, made me realize that I’ve been doing that every day so far.
It’s time I push people away, not care what they think of me.
The voices get louder, and my thoughts slowly turn to the black.
I’m scared to walk down the hall in school. Feels like everyone can see right through me, and see what I hide from so many people.
Believe it or not, there used to be a time where I was happy, but now being happy feels foreign to me. Like I don’t deserve to be.
Seriously thinking of saying goodbye, more than usual. My life is a ever living battle that hides me in the shadows of fear.
Thou shall not know what it is that is tearing my heart apart, filling it with tears. Try to smile but it turns into a long awaited sigh.
Your hand is not here though it holds my heart. Please do not crush it, don’t make it fall apart.
You’re my angel, which I don’t want to lose but every day I fall deeper into the sea of blue, fading to black with hints of shimmery red.
Tears tug at my eyes as my heart calls out for you, but let me ask you this. Is it only for you who you care, or is it me too? Neither, everyone says to me.
We never did care about you. Only thou who can tell can see that.
That’s what they’re trying to say. But they let it roll off their lips like they said it a thousand times before.
Don’t really know anyone any longer. Making me just become a distant memory. With no one knowing who I am anymore.
The black is running my life now. I’ve stopped fighting and let it take charge.
Only one person is able to bring me from its evil dark grasp.
It’s you Bryan. I know it’s a lot to ask from one person.
Just hear me out; you were never the one who sent me there. Bouncing between black and dark dark blue.
Never knowing when I’m going to see the white.
Get so wrapped up caring about how far I’ve gone.
How far I’ve slipped under. Worrying about not letting it show.
Even if I do see the white , I’ll always have the dark past ruled by the black in my heart.
Don’t know what the hell brought me here!
Who was it, how did I not see how bad it’s gotten.
Walk down the hall once again, noticing everything. The noises that are made the way the lockers slam. Some of the words that are said.
Everyone thinks they have it rough. But after reading this they’ll soon see how lucky and easy their day to day life is.
It’s been almost an hour and still here I sit writing. Choosing each word carefully, to get my point across without being blunt about it.
Memories of mine come and go some good, most bad.
Thoughts take over scaring my body.
Over and over again I allow people to hurt me just as much as I hurt myself over the three long assed years. One day you will understand, maybe.
One day maybe, just maybe someone will see how much pain I’ve been hiding.
Everyone thinks my writing is a joke, doesn’t mean anything. Just words pulled out of thin air and scribbled on a piece of paper in a note book but No! It’s more than that.
Hopefully no one will ever uncover the true meaning behind my words.
Still in the black, been all day now, saw blue but just a shimmer. Like being in the dark, light hurts my eyes as if someone is stabbing them with all their might, power, energy, making me feel more pain already.
On top of the pain that I already have. Don’t know how I’m ever going to live with the sun when I hide within the night.
Thou who does not, shall not know me will be deeply disturbed by these words.
Drops of blood escape from my wrist, falling on the ground. There’s no one who seems to care
Love it, not too many questions to answer, not too many people to answer too.
What the hell am I doing, picturing my own funeral?! Wondering how they would react, how many people would cry, if life would go on without me.
I’m getting swallowed in a sea of black, Please someone come and pull me out so I can finally see the white snowflakes of winter. Will anyone save me?!
Does anyone care? Someone must! But no one dares to tell me.
Someone save me before it’s too late! This time is the last time I’m ever going to see the blue.
Either need to go and see the white or stay forever and live in the black.
Bryan! If you love me please fight the dark with the spark in your eyes. Help me see the light, calm before the storm, the love I’ve always needed.
Some of you might have been shocked. Hearing me say love for the first time in this poem.
Thou who don’t have room in their hearts for love will not make it very far. Trust me.
It makes all the difference knowing that you have one person who love you with all their heart.
Thinking about giving up poetry. But do I want to give up everything I’ve worked on? Maybe I have to, maybe I need to.
After all I’m falling deeper and deeper into the black.
What does it matter? Once again I beg someone to help me before I drown in my own tears.
Please let me live like everyone else, let me love, breathe, laugh smile again! Let me out of the black and into the white! Please!
Let me be normal for once as I cry in your arms and wake up your heart.
A love won’t let me lose him. No matter how hard I try il never be able to say goodbye and lose him.
If I could forget him I would make believe that I should give up but its not enough.
You treat me so much better than him so why am I still in the black? Why!
Tonight I want to fall asleep in the arms of the one I love, but will that ever happen? No, because im always going to be living in the black

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