Face Twisted into Sorrow

October 12, 2009
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Heart racing.
Beating out of my chest.
Shortness of breath.
Tears shed from eyes.
Fidgeting of hands.
“What do I do?”
That feeling takes over me.
“I have to do something.”
I send you a message.
No reply.
“Oh my God. It’s happening.”
So many tears I start to cry.
Alone in my room I dial your number.
Straight to voicemail.
“No this can’t be it.”
I try to distract myself.
Nothing works.
Four more times I dial your number.
Straight to voicemail.
I get in the shower.
Trying to shake this feeling.
I can’t stop crying.
My legs feel weak beneath me.
I cower on the floor.
As water hits my bare back.
Praying not to have my heart broken
Praying to get saved from myself.
Crying on the floor of the shower.
I stand to face the water.
Allowing it to wash over my tear-stained face.
Heart Pounding.
Tears Streaming.
Once out of the shower I get dressed.
Facing the mirror.
I see a weak girl.
“No wonder he’s leaving me.”
Eyes swollen and red.
Face twisted into sorrow.
I lay down.
Checking my phone.
No calls.
No messages.
“maybe if I go to sleep it won’t happen.”
I cry myself into dreams.
Only to wake up into a nightmare.
Slept at 11p.m.
Woke at 4a.m.
Checking my phone.
Missed Call Alert.
Text Messages Received-3
At 12:20a.m.
“..I don’t want to end this, but a break for now. I do love you..”
Sitting in a fetal position I cry.
30 Minutes pass.
Sleep has been decided.
“It hurts so bad.”
5:40a.m.-First Alarm Sounds.
6:00a.m. Second Alarm Annoyance.
I get up.
I read the messages again, hoping I read them wrong.
Tears fall from my eyes.
“I have to stop crying.”
I stop.
I wash my face.
I go about my morning routine.
Clothes, Food, Etc.
Fine up until makeup.
I take one glance in the mirror.
I don’t recognize my own face.
Face Red.
Eyes empty with sadness.
“He broke my heart.”
I put my makeup down and cry.
I take sunglasses/
Board bus.
Stare out of the window.
“Just yesterday he was my heart.”
I start to cry.
My friend gets on.
I put the sunglasses on.
“You’re beautiful.”
I cried walking down the halls.
I cried sitting at the table.
Heart Pounding.
Eyes Empty.
Face Twisted into Sorrow.
I cry.

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