Agonizing Past Reality

October 3, 2009
By athenabrittany BRONZE, Maxie, Virginia
athenabrittany BRONZE, Maxie, Virginia
4 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
♥I Am Me, In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because i alone choose it--I own everything about me my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself--I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears--I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes because i own all of me, i can become intimately acquainted with me--by doing so i can love me and be friendly with me in all my parts--I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know--but as long as i am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me-- however i look and sound, whatever i say and do, and whatever i think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me--if later some parts of how i looked, sounded, though, and felt turned out to unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded--i can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do--I have the tools to survive,to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense, and order out of the world of people and things outside of me--I own me, and therefore i can engineer me. I Am Me and I Am Okay.♥

He calls,
we talk about the past.
It kills me,
hearing him so hurt.
it's all my fault.
In love,
with our old memories.
It was cruel,
how i hurt him.
After promising,
to never do so.
I miss the past,
as i think about how we were.
In love with,
someone else as well.
Who pushes me,
knowing i can do it.
Seen this new love cry.
Regret what I did,
to hurt,
my old love.
If I would have
never hurt him,
I wouldn't be,
where I am now
I'll never forget,
The pain I've caused.
The more I think about it
My chest,
starts to hurt.
I'm breaking!
I stop breathing.
The pain,
is encruciatingly deep.
My head,
starts to throb.
I can almost hear,
The silence.
It hurts.
I jsut have to get away,
from everything.
I walk out into,
the pouring rain.
It's cold,
and as the first
freezing drops hit me,
I gasp.
As the realization
of my life
overwhelms me.
I begin to cry......
and hyperventilate.
I run,
until i cant run any farther
from my problems.
I drop to my knees,
Freezing and cant breathe.
My crying has ceased.
As I fall bac,
laying gently on the hard ground.
Silent Sadness,
washes over me.
I start to drift,
into a paralyed state of mind.
Haven't moved in hours,
Time feels as if it standing still.
I listen to the rain
crash around me.
My entire body,
nothing but aching.
My chest feels
like a stone is
beating down on it hard.
I'm feeling numb
dark and very cold.
I'm not sure,
if I'm dead or alive.
Clothes are sticking to me,
wet from the puring rain,
Almost at a stop.
Head hurts.
Agony sweeps in.
It's very quiet.
Just want to lay here in the rain,
than go back to the reality.
My reality hurts.

The author's comments:
each line is exactly what happened in a personal experience

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