September 5, 2010
I can almost see my life anew
But the voice inside my head
Says, 'You'll never drive or play the sport you're blind. That's what it said.

With every step I take in lfe,
My vision getting worse,
I feel so lost, my faith is gone
It feels just like a curse.

With climbing mountains in one's life, and once you reach the top
You feel like you did the best you can. So now I know its enough.

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FreedomIsMyVirtue said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 11:52 pm
On the last line of the first stanza, shouldn't it be:
"Says, 'You'll never drive or play the sport. You're blind'" And I think the that's what it said part can be removed since you already said says. Plus, this line is a little longer and kinda messes up the rhythm.

The lines in the third stanza is kinda longer and they don't seem to flow right.

Anyway this is all just me. :)))

It sounds likes Miley Cyrus' The Climb. And since the messa... (more »)
CarrieAnn13 said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 1:36 pm
You should really keep your stanzas a consistent length.  It's more visually appealing and it helps the rhythm.  As for the message in your writing, it was excellent! :)
AdeleFan replied...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 1:37 pm
i try puttin it in stanzas but for some reason my computer hates me. lol
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